School Year Resolutions (BEDS 006)

My reign of terror freedom has ended. Today, my friends, I return to school.

The start of a new school year, as we all know, is full of hope. Beautiful, sometimes naive hope that, "This year will be different!" It's like the start of a new calendar year, but less depressing, because the hope of Christmas is still on the horizon. I find that making resolutions in September makes way more sense than making them in January, actually, because by the time January rolls around, the freshness of the school year has worn off, everything is dead, and literally all anyone wants is to get back to summer, when they don't have a 25 page term paper due and only 24 hours to get it done. 

Hence, my School Year Resolutions.

I'll be frank with you: these mostly stay the same every year, because I suck at resolutions and could really stand to improve pretty much every aspect of my life, academic or otherwise. But I'll still share them with you, anyway, because who knows--this may be the year that they get done.

(Stop laughing.)

2016-2017 SCHOOL YEAR RESOLUTIONS

1. Stop procrastinating, maybe. Somewhat. Okay, at least start the damn term paper more than just a couple days early.

2. Keep regular blog posts going throughout the school year. This includes book reviews.

3. Try and finish NaNoWriMo. Without crying.

4. Keep my room (relatively) clean, so that you're not prompted to go rage-cleaning the day before your exam. (Instead of studying.)

5. Stop zoning out during my lectures. This is very important.

6. Maybe talk to people at school for a change. I don't know, something to think about.

7. Take better notes, so I can actually understand what I wrote down three months from now. (Also: saying, "I'll definitely remember what this means" does not, in fact, make it true.)

8. Consider studying for exams earlier, so that I'm not tempted to sneak a peek at my notes at work. (Not like I've done this or anything.)

9. Stop spending so much money on food.

10. Just try to survive the school year relatively unscathed.

So how many of you are going to school, and what are your school year resolutions? Comment below and let me know!

Until later,

- Justyne

The Five Year Plan (BEDS 004)

You know what I suck at? Long-term planning. I am physically incapable, it seems, of planning everything beyond the end of tomorrow. Like, I just can't do it. I have many a talent, and that simply isn't included. I had a weekly planner mousepad, once. I thought it would help.

It didn't.

I tried so hard. I would sit down at the beginning of the week, carefully consider my work schedule and school schedule and literally everything that I had going on in my life. I would judge how long a task would take, and plan an asburd amount of extra time for it. In most cases, in fact, it was actually a rather reasonable schedule.

But something would come up, as something always does. I would miss one item on my to-do list for the day, and then suddenly the rest of my week would be invalid. Because guess what: each item on every to-do list for the rest of the week was dependent on me getting that one freaking thing done on Monday!

"So just bump it all back a day," you say. But guess what! I can't! It's all there, in ink, permenently visible to my vulnerable soul! I can't just change it. Do you know how long it took to discover this delicate balance of regular updates? Three years! Aka: TOO FREAKING LONG.

So you can see, from my inability to efficiently plan for the week, why I would dislike the idea of a 5 Year Plan. I don't think I've even broken into Year 1 yet--I'm still rooted in Year 0! I can barely plan for today, let alone five freaking years from now. (Plus, I'll be, like, twenty-seven. Twenty-seven! I don't want to think about that, thank you.)

How do you even make a five-year plan? That's the sort of thing they tell you to do in your first year of university, when your eyes are still full of hope and the combination of student debt and a retail job hasn't killed your soul yet. That's the sort of thing that they tell you to do in high school, when you still think adulthood is going to be the Best Thing Ever. (Spoiler alert: run away.) I'm pretty sure you have to have your life together to even think about making a Five Year Plan.

Me? I avoided my desk for three days because of a giant spider I watched crawl across it earlier in the week. I am the very opposite of put together.

I mean, don't get me wrong--I have goals. I have dreams. I'm a semi-functioning human being. I like to think that I'll get accepted into an international program in Walt Disney World, and spend all of next summer working there. I like to think that I'll have my university degree by the time I'm 24. (Okay...maybe 25.) I have ideas for more tattoos that I want to plaster my body with. I find myself considering moving back to the East coast after graudation.

And somewhere in between all that, I like to think I'll get published.

But in the last couple years I've learned a thing or do--namely, it's okay to take things one thing at a time. I work better when I narrow my focus, weedle my to-do list down to a single day. I can't let myself get caught up in everything I have to do tomorrow, next week, next month...just to complete a deadline that I've imposed on myself.

I don't have a Five Year Plan. But I make goals based on the seasons, I pick my passion and run with it, and somehow manage to get stuff done along the way. Maybe not as much as I hoped, but something is better than nothing.

There is no time limit. Just a list I made at one in the morning, and the hope that I'll complete it sometime in this lifetime.

Until later,

- Justyne

Visualization

When I find myself in a bookstore--which, let's be honest, I often do--I like to mentally shelve my books. I find the E authors--there are never very many of them--and run my hands down the spines until I find where my name fits.

There. Somewhere between Emond and Everett; that's where my book would go--where it will go, someday.

It's weird, I know. But as dorky as it is, I still do it.

You know what else I do? I constantly pin pictures of home offices on Pinterest. I torture myself for days and days on end with this images of beautiful writing spaces, that I would love to incorporate into my own home but can't because I'm poor. (And also because I don't have that much space to decorate to begin with.)

I do these things frequently, for the same reasons that people make vision boards--I like to see my goals in a way that can often be difficult, because I'm not psychic, and can in no way see the future. I like to picture the way that my writing space would look like, if I had the space, time, and money decorate it as I see fit. I like to find where my name fits, because it somehow makes it more likely that it will fit. Like somehow, the spot is waiting for me, waiting for my future debut novel to slide on into the place it was always meant to be.

It works that way in reverse, too. I have hard copies of just about everything I wrote in high school--every short story, every poem, every brief excerpt of every vague novel premise I had. I keep every journal, every notebook, every scrap piece of paper I scribble on. It gets crammed into a drawer, and even though I never look at it much, it helps to have it around. For whatever reason, having this physical representation of everything I've worked towards makes it more valid. Like I've actually accomplished something, instead of screaming into the void of my own mind.

I always mean to make a vision board, I do. But it never works out--I keep putting it off, because it's too much work and I'm too lazy to set aside the time to do it. I almost don't think I will, because my goals and ambitions change so frequently that it'd be impossible to document everything accurately. I'd rather spend that extra time working towards it, and save the daydreaming for my commute. (And, okay, maybe my shift, too.)

I daydream a lot. But sometimes, it's nice to have something more concrete to look at.

Until later,

- Justyne

External Movitavtion, Part II: The Workspace

Part I: The Playlist

~~

If you are in pursuit of a creative career, you are going to--ideally--spend the majority of your time in some sort of designated workspace. (If not the majority, then at least a reasonably large chunk of it.) This is where you will write your first draft, your second, your third. It's where you will slave the night away, writing words that you won't even remember through the haze of sleep deprivation. This is where you will write your debut novel. This is where you will partake in a dozen NaNoWriMo's and draft a hundred query letters.

This place needs to be your home, be it your home-within-a-home or your home-away-from-home. As such, it has to be a place that not only motivates you, but inspires you to create great works of art.

You are in the midst of creating your work environment, so it is imperative that the end result is a place that you enjoy--I would even go so far as to say that it should be your FAVOURITE place!

There are two different categories that you should be thinking about whenc hoosing, designing, or redecorating your workspace--practicality and atmosphere.

Practicality is a no brainer--if you can't get any work done, it's not much of a workspace. It doesn't necessarily motivate you to get work done...it just prevents you from doing anything else.

As much as I want to skip to the atmosphere aspect of this week's topic, the practicality part is just too important to leave out. So for now, I'll leave you with a miniature preparation checklist to ensure that no distractions interfere with your motivation:

• Is there a TV in the room? Move. Now.
• Is your phone on? Turn it off and hide it in a drawer somewhere. DO NOT LET IT TEMPT YOU.
• Get off your bed. What are you even doing.
• Get off the couch, too.
• SIT AT A PROPER SURFACE IN A PROPER CHAIR
• Download this and this. And this.
• Prevent Scatterbrain Syndrom by making a To-Do list or setting a goal for your work time. SHOOT FOR THE STARS, CHILDREN.

Ok, great. All that boring stuff is out of the way--now comes the fun bit!

A couple years ago I made a Pinterest account, which was both a blessing and a curse. It was probably one of the worst things to ever happen to me, simply because it is hands down one of the most distracting websites I've ever had the misfortune of signing up for. (Yes, right up there with Tumblr.)

But at the same time, it's been great for inspiration. People pin writing tips and drawing tutorials, inspirational quotes and--probably my favourite part of this God forsaken website--home decor.

I never had a true appreciation for home decor until I found Pinterest. Bedrooms and kitchens, reading nooks and dining rooms, dens and....home offices.

The atmosphere aspect of your workspace is the most fun, the most expensive, and the trickiest. You need a workspace that is functional--organized in just the right way, with everything you need to be productive. It needs to be pretty--you're going to spend a lot of time there, so you need to want to spend a lot of time there. If it's boring or dull or ugly, you'll want to stay as far away as possible. But if it's bright and it's interesting, you'll want to spend as much time there as you can.

All the while, it can't be too distracting, because...well, you have to work sometime.

So find a space in your home, be it in your bedroom or elsewhere, and turn it into your Dream Job. Find a nice desk, as big or as small as you need, and a comfy chair. Set up your computer, or typewriter, or good 'ol fashioned pencil and notepad. Stick up a calendar with deadlines and To-Do lists, add some pretty lights and inspirational posters.

And for the love of your sanity, make sure you keep it clean.

Until later,

- Justyne

~~

Part III: The Role Model

When I Grow Up

When I was little--like six or seven--I wanted to be an artist. While that sounds very broad, I had a specific idea in my head. To seven-year-old me, being an artist meant drawing and making crafts. Do you remember the show Art Attack? Think of the guy who hosted that--he was my inspiration.

That idea was short-lived, though, because one day I came to the realization that I actually wasn't very good at art, period. Which, when you stop to think about it, is a very bleak thing for a seven-year-old to realize. Nevertheless, I gave up my childhood dream of being an artist, and decided that I would have to pick something else--which I did. A couple years later, I discovered my love of writing and storytelling, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Except it really isn't. At least, not the whole history.

Around the time I started high school, I started to re-develop my interest in visual arts. I took inspiration from Japanese comics and from video games and Disney movies. I filled up one sketchbook, then two, then three. I started developping comic concepts and ideas and, suddenly, all of my stories started to take on a visual form. Soon enough, my writing fell to the backburner as I dedicated my time to this new craft.

I didn't doubt my writing. Surprisingly, that's the one thing about my self that I've always been confident about. I just saw a new world that I had never properly explored, a new skill that needed practice and development. I saw a whole new world of stories that I could create and express better through pictures than I could through words alone.

I was still confident about my skills as a writer, sure, but what of my future? Could I do both? Could I write my novels, while creating comics at the same time? Could I make equal content on both sides, or would I have to choose? Already it was looking like I would--I was already struggling to juggle both of them.

And still, my eyes drifted. I noticed the up-and-coming YouTubers, with their vlogs and mini series and comedy sketches. My initial university searches had me looking at film programs, because God, wouldn't that be cool? I started seeing animation in a whole new light; I developed an appreciation for it, and admired people who taught themselves and learned the craft completely on their own.

All at once, I didn't just have one dream, one fantasy of being a novelist; I had dozens. I pictured myself at Disney's studios, slaving away at their next feature film. I pictured myself making YouTube videos, filming and editing them, all by myself. I want to write short stories, collections of micro fiction, children's books. I want to make web comics nad graphic novels and try my hand at writing a movie script. I want to do all of it, and more.

When people ask me what I want to do with my life--or "what I want to be when I grow up"--my answer is, automatically, to write. That's not a lie--I do want to write. But I want to do more than that, too.

I don't just want to write--I want to tell stories, in any media I can. I want to create stuff, all day long, for the rest of my life. I don't want to be defined by just oen thing, one skillset. I want to be able to make all sorts of things, and let my stories reach all sorts of people.

Seven-year-old me had it right all along--I want to be an artist.

For so long, I struggled to find My Thing. I tried to narrow my life down, to find that one skill or passion that I could follow for the rest of my life. But you can't narrow your life down to just one thing. There will always be other shiney hobbies and skills and worlds calling out to you, begging to be explored. That's what I'm doing now; I'm making the things I want to make, right now, in any way I can.

Because that is what I want to be when I grow up.


Until later,

- Justyne

Musicals

I love musicals. No, that's wrong. I adore musicals. I wish everyday life could be a musical. (If it was, then maybe I wouldn't sound like a dying cat when I sing.)

Characters are motivated by desire. Everyone--rich, poor, happy, sad, confident or not--has something that they want. Maybe they think it's impossible. Maybe they've spent their whole lives working towards it. Maybe they don't even know where to start, and have spent years staring up at the sky, waiting and wanting and wishing for it to happen.

Plot is moved by a character's actions. A character's actions are fueled by want. Therefore, the plot is moved by the desires of the characters.


I love Disney movies--although whether I love musicals because of Disney or the other way around is unclear. Either way, when it comes to the franchise I generally have two favourite songs per movie:

1) The romance song (Think I See the Light from Tangled or A Whole New World from Aladdin.)
2) The opening "dream" song (Think Just Around the Riverbend from Pocahontas or For the First Time in Forever from Frozen.)

I love the romance songs because...well, hello, cute and adorable Disney couple together-ness. But I love the opening songs even more because they're fueled by the passion of the protagonist.

Exhibit A: The Princess and the Frog. Girl dreams of owning her restaurant. Works two different jobs to save money. Finally makes enough for the down payment of the building, thus taking one step closer to making her dreams a reality. Walks inside her future restaurant and BAM! Musical number. "I'm almost there!"

Exhibit B: Mulan. Girl wants to make her family proud. She follows the routine, tries to meet the standard expectations for women in her society--and fails. She wants to bring honour to her family, yes, but not at the expense of who she is. Spies on her apparently disappointed parents and BAM! Musical number (albeit a much slower song). "When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

The thing that makes these songs so great is the passion behind them; the desire to reach what seems impossible at times. These characters know what they want, and they tell us through (an extremely catchy) song. They show us their motivation, their inspiration, their greatest dreams. They give us a look inside themselves, so that we can care for them for the rest of the roughly 90 minute production.

When I'm developing characters, I like to take a song that I feel summarizes their motivation and imagine them singing it. I like to picture them bursting into song, telling the world, "This is what I want!" I feel like the song helps me map out their journey over the course of the story. (Hell, sometimes I plan out a whole little musical for them...yes I'm weird I know.)

So what about you? Do you pick out songs for your characters?


Until later,

- Justyne

My Writing Bucket List

In a previous blog post, I talked about seven things I wanted to accomplish through my writing. These things were big things, emotional things, things that couldn't be judged through any physical standards.

This list is different.

This list contains projects that I want to complete during my life as a writer / artist / creator. A bucket list, if you will.

Let's get started:

1. Publish a novel.

Self explanatory. I want to hold the beautiful hardcover edition of my pride and joy in my hands. I want to be able to go to a bookstore, find my book on a shelf, and very sneakily move it to the front so more people see it. (That was a joke....maybe.)

2. Publish a graphic novel.

I love graphic novels and comics, and I would love to publish one myself. This one is a little farther in the future, though--I want to be able to do the art myself, and that area is not one that I am particularly talented at yet.

3. Write a TV show script.

I have a couple different ideas. Even if it doesn't get produced, I'd still like to try my hand at writing it. (I think the hardest thing about this for me will be the formatting.)

4. Publish a book series.

I don't care if there are 3 books or 30--I'd love to create a longer series of books. 

What's on your writing bucket list?

Until later,

- Justyne

The Finale (BEDS #30)

Another 30 days have come and gone. This year, I failed to post a blog every day in September...but this month was hardly a failure.

While some of the posts I uploaded this month were somewhat...less well-written than others, I posted a lot of writing that I was personally proud of. Even though I had to take a step back for a while, I'm glad that I did--because I know that anything I would have produced during that time wouldn't have been my best.

A lot of things happened this month. But through most of it, I was still able to fulfill my commitment to you guys--and to myself. I sometimes doubt my ability to stick to a deadline, but through this blog I've proved time and time again that I can do it. I can set myself a deadline, and I can pull through.

I get a bit of a break for this next month. But then it's back to the chaos of monthly challenges.

The countdown to NaNoWriMo is on.


Until later,

- Justyne

7 Things I Want to Accomplish as a Writer (BEDS #25)

As a writer, there are lots of things I want to do. I want to publish a novel, a physical novel that's sold in bookstores and borrowed from libraries. I want to write a TV show script someday, and a movie script, and a play script. I want to publish a collection of short stories and flash fiction, and novellas that sell for 99 cents on Amazon. I want to make a living off of my writing, to be able to support myself and, someday, a family.

But there's more to it than that. There are more, not always visible things that I want to accomplish before I consider myself successful.

I want to make people connect with my characters, and with my stories. I want my readers to see something familiar in these fictional people, these things that remind them of themselves. I want people to read my plot and say, "Hey, I'm going through that!" I want people to be able to recommend my books to others, and tell them that it helped them deal with their own problems and issues.

I want to create characters that kids can grow up with. I want 10-year-olds to pick up a series I wrote, and ten years later, still be following the characters. I want to write a TV show someday, one that teenagers will start watching as they enter high school and graduate alongside their fictional counterparts four years later. I want to give readers someone that can be there, that they can turn to when life gets hard...someone who will be there as they grow up. I want my characters to be an influence on the kind of people my readers become.

I want to inspire people with my stories. I want someone to close my book with a whole new understanding of themselves. I want readers to realize that they can follow their dreams, that they can pursue the career they want to pursue, no matter how unconventional it is. I want someone to start a new project or a new habit because they read about it in one of my books. I want someone to make a change in their life because my book, my story is the thing that motivated them to.

I want to make people laugh. I want people to read a line and laugh out loud, so hard that they cry.

I want to make people cry for sadness, too. I want them to be so moved that they physically can't hold back their tears.

I want to make people fall in love with my characters. I want them to believe in them, to root for them, to truly care about what happens to them. I want people to wish for my characters to be real, because to them, they already are.

But most importantly, I want to make 9-year-old Me proud. I want to be the kind of person that I would have looked up to back in the fourth grade.

I want her to know that we made it. 

What do you want to accomplish? Not just the financials, or the physical proof of "success", but the more emotional stuff. The biggest stuff, the stuff that tends to get overlooked, but means so, so much more.

Until later,

- Justyne

Mid-Year Resolutions

Remember back in December, when we all made those optimistic resolutions for the new year? Remember when we promised ourselves that we would work out more, or be a nicer person, or finally finish that project we started 6.5 years ago?  Remember that? That probably seems like a distant memory now, huh. Now we've all returned to our old ways of marathoning Netflix shows, being cynical, and putting off that project for another 365 days.

And look--surprise, surprise, once the new year rolls around yet again, your resolutions are the exact same as the year before. And if they're different, it's only because you gave up and decided to pursue something else--oh, don't give me that look. It's true, and you know it. (If, by some miracle, it's not, then it's only because you are some mystical creature, documented in legend alongside the unicorn.)

This year, I developed a new mindset for New Year's Resolutions. Every year prior, I viewed them as a habit to start right as soon as January 1st hit--if I missed a day, then the resolution would be broken, and I would be considered a failure. I never lasted more than a day or two--I think my longest record was probably a week, and I'm still convinced that that was a fluke. This, it seems, did nothing other than make me feel bad about myself for being unable to turn my life around in a day.

So this year, I split my normal resolutions into two different categories: "Resolutions" and "Goals". My "Resolutions" would now be restricted to habits I wished to form in the coming year--for example, to stop procrastinating, to live a healthier lifestyle, to be a nicer person, etc etc. My "Goals", on the other hand, are exactly what they sound like--projects or tasks that I wanted to have done by the end of the year. For example, to complete the rough draft of a manuscript, to finish a certain amount of concept art for a graphic novel or other visual project, to start a new blog, etc etc.

The thing both my resolutions and goals have in common is that neither of them have to be finished right on January 1st. The goals, obviously, are going to be things that I can't finish in a day, which is kind of the point. I've given myself the whole year to do them. But the same goes for my resolutions--if, on January 2nd, I fail to act in accordance to a resolution, that's totally fine. It's just one day, not a complete failure. Obviously I want to start off the year strong--if my resolution is to blog every day, I don't want to wait until March to start doing it. But the idea is to keep working on it. As long as I've formed the habit by year's end, I'll consider it a success.

One day, when I was looking up different ways to stop procrastinating (which we all know was just another way for me to procrastinate, let's be honest), I came across a tip. Somebody suggested to start your day over at 2 pm--if you've spent the morning / early afternoon wasting time on Facebook or YouTube or whatever, don't let the rest of the day go to waste. Refocus your attention to the tasks that need it, and treat 2 pm like the start of a new day.

I liked that tip. I felt that it applied to me, as someone who eagerly brushes off the rest of the day as "wasted" after spending just a tad too much time on social media in the morning. So I thought, why not apply it to my New Year's Resolutions?

Recently, I dug up my resolutions and goals for 2014. Some of them I had neglected slightly--like reading every night (resolution) and completing a finished, revised and edited manuscript (goal). Some I had forgotten about entirely, like becoming more self-confident (resolution) and learning how to manage my time better. (I listed this last one as a goal, but it seems to be more of a resolution, now that I think about it.) And a couple I simply don't have any interest in pursuing any longer--like getting my license / a car. (Ha! HA HA! 2013 Me was funny.)

It's August, now. (Even though it was JUST March like two days ago I swear to God.) We have entered the second half of the year--the 2 pm of 2014. It's time to re-evaluate and re-focus...and for me, that means quite a bit of work.


What were your 2014 resolutions? Have you been triumphant (so far), or have they fallen back, forgotten and left to collect dust? And if they have...are you willing to dig them up again?

Until later,

- Justyne

Back to the Start (Part II)

The following is a continuation of last week's post. If you missed it, you can go back and read it here.

It all started with Sailor Moon.

No, that was not a joke. It will not be followed with some snide, sarcastic remark, or a sentence that provides much better context to it. As silly as it may seem--and I am very much aware that it sounds extremely silly--it did all start with Sailor Moon.

To say I was a huge fan was...well, a bit of an understatement. I watched it religiously, every day--even if it meant waking up at six in the morning. When it was cancelled, I cried my poor little eight-year-old eyes out. I borrowed the two VHS tapes that the local library owned continuously, watching them constantly until they simply wouldn't work anymore.

When I was around nine years old, I got a tiny little locket for Christmas. Lord only knows where it is now, but at the time, the very first thing that went through my mind was the locket that Sailor Moon had used (that's what they had called it in the English version, anyway) to transform. With this locket, I could be a Sailor Scout, too.

I was nine when I wrote my first real story. It was a story about a group of girls, who used magical lockets to transform into superheroes. Sound familiar?

For me, that story was more than just a story. Just like that show became more than just a show. It was a way for me to be something more--more than just an ordinary girl. That stupid little story, the one I wrote all those years ago, that was my way of being a Sailor Scout. That was my way of saving the world. I often complain about how badly written my first writing attempt was, but really?

That story is my favourite.

Back then, there were no dreams of publication. There were no terribly unrealistic fantasies of becoming rich and famous through writing. (Well, not at first, anyway. Trust me, those came quickly.) There was only me, and the daydreams I spent saving the world. It was the first time, the very first time, that I was excited to write, and live in a fictional world all my own.

That is what I need to be looking for. Not stories that will make me money, but stories that make me excited. Excited to write, to feel, to live. One of my favourite quotes is from Neil Gaiman, who said, "I decided that I'd do my best in the future not to write books just for the money. If you didn't get the money, then you didn't have anything. And if I did work I was proud of, and I didn't get the money, at least I'd have the work."

I heard that quote a couple of years ago, in a video I stumbled upon while browsing the web. I've carried it with me ever since.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't aim for publication. And I'm definitely not saying that I'm going to stop aiming for it anytime soon, either. I will not rest until I can walk into just about any Chapters or Indigo bookstore in the country and see my book--my story--sitting on the shelf.

What I'm trying to say is that, for a moment, I forgot why I started. I forgot how wonderful it felt to be truly, genuinely excited about writing; to not worry about whether it was good, or whether people would like it, or how much money it would make.

To write for the thrill;

To write myself into the person I always wanted to be;

To write for the sake of writing;

That is my goal.


Until later,

- Justyne

Back to the Start (Part I)

It's no secret that I want to make a living off of my writing. Being able to focus whatever hour of the day on my creative projects, without having to schedule around a day job, would be absolutely incredible. It's my ultimate goal of where I want to end up.

I think there's a risk associated, though, with striving to achieve such a thing. Generally, people don't begin creative hobbies for the money--we're attracted to them because we love to create new things, be them stories or paintings or movies or whatever. It's what makes us happy, and that's wonderful. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to make money off of something that makes you happy.

The thing is, though, there is a fine line between writing for yourself and writing for money. And it's very easy to cross it. I would know; I crossed that line, myself. And I didn't even realize it.

I suffered a bit of a slump during April. Or maybe that's just what I've been telling myself, to feel better about having come so close to my goal for Camp NaNoWriMo. Either way, I was stressing. When I returned home from PEI a year ago, I promised myself two things:

1) I would move out by my 20th birthday, and

2) During this time at home, I would finish a manuscript. Written, revised, edited--everything. Done. Completed. Fini. Simple, right?

Not so much.

Despite the constant planning with my friends--and the constant discussions at work--the whole moving thing seemed a million years away. It wasn't until a few months ago, probably around March, that I realized it was only five months away. Five months.

And suddenly, life was moving too fast. Weeks were racing by at break-neck speed, days were soaring out the window as though they were nothing, and I was left in a frazzled, stressed, panicked state. It was like my final year of high school all over again--a day was coming, and once that day arrived, my life would change forever.

I am excited to move out, I really am. I'm excited to be independent and on my own and just to have a fresh start in a (semi) new place.

But I'm also terrified.

And, among all of this chaos, there was my writing. Projects that I had anticipated to be well on their way to completion were left at an eerie pause halfway through the first draft. Suddenly, my goal to have a manuscript finished and polished didn't seem so plausible anymore. It wasn't just discouraging--it was downright frightening. This, the very reason I had left university in the first place, wasn't even going the way it was supposed to. If I couldn't handle this now--living with my parents, with only a part-time job and minimal bills to worry about--how could I possibly hope to handle it in the months to come, with bills galore and a full-time job and other independent, adult things to worry about?

I wasn't sure if I could do it. So, my mind turned to the prospect of money.

The goal was no longer to have a polished manuscript--no, it was to have a manuscript ready to sell and several ebooks on the Kindle market, to help the flow of money. If I start making money, I assumed, then I couldn't consider the past year a failure.

No. Just....no.

It dawned on me, halfway through April, just what I was doing. I wasn't writing for myself anymore--I wasn't focusing on the stories I loved more than anything, on the things that actually made me excited to sit down at my desk. I was just writing for the sake of being published, for making money.

I write for the story. I write because there's a message I want to share, characters I want to introduce, a whole world that I want to make known. I write because I have a story to tell, and only I can tell it.

But honestly? That's not why I started.


To be continued next week!

Until later,

- Justyne

New Year's Resolutions

Don't lie to yourself, you know that you have them. Somewhere, buried deep within your room, is a list, with the title 2014 Resolutions scrawled across the top of the page in your familiar handwriting. You can joke about it all you want; about how no one ever keeps their resolutions, how everyone ends up making the same resolution just about every year. You can claim that you don't have any.

But I know. You're secretly planning to turn your life around this year. Don't even try to lie to me. I can tell.

I don't know how many times I've written, somewhere in my journal, that "stop procrastinating" was my New Year's Resolution. I think the longest I ever lasted was a week. One week, out of the whole 52.

What does it even feel like to accomplish a New Year's Resolution? Does it count as a failure if you quit after the year has ended? Does fulfilling your resolutions bring you to some magical, unicorns-and-rainbows place filled with happiness that teaches you the true meaning of life? Has anybody reached this glorious utopia?

Who even decided that January 1st was the perfect day to change your life? I can think of a million better days--your birthday, the first day of school, pretty much any given Monday of the year. January 1st is the one day of the year that most of the population is either hungover or sleep deprived--usually both. I don't think very many people will be all gung-ho about going jogging at 6 AM.

Resolutions are too sudden of a change. The word "resolution" makes me think that I have to change my life the very second the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. That's why so many people give up--you go from laying on the couch marathoning Netflix shows, pigging out on popcorn one day to running a 10k marathon the next. It's like whoever thought this whole concept up did it on purpose, to watch and laugh at us from afar as we try hopelessly to change our lives in the course of one day.

That's why, this year, I made two separate lists: one of "Resolutions"; habits of mine that I want to change or adapt to, and one of "Goals"; things that I want to accomplish this year. My resolutions are definitely smaller, and fewer than any list I've made in the past. My goals are long and plentiful, but that's okay. Because my goals aren't restricted to being accomplished by January 1st, or worked on every day of the year. I have a year from now to finish them, and finish them I will.

As for my resolutions, well...we'll see how that pans out.

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Until later,

- Justyne

Different Paths (WFMAD Day 25)

One of the many, many things I love about writing is that there are virtually no restrictions to what you can do. Wanna make it up? Awesome! How about a recount of a true story? Perfect! Wanna talk more about yourself? No problemo, that's what autobiographies and memoirs are for! You can write novels, short stories, poems, plays, movies, TV shows, memoirs, biographies, how-to books, newspaper and magazine articles, comics, video game storylines...there is absolutely no limit.

Something I often like to do, when I start reading a new author, is read their little "About the Author" blurb. I like learning a little about the authors I'm reading--where they grew up, what their family is like, what else they've written...and, more importantly, how they got to where they are.

Because that, you see, is the most important limitless thing there is about writing. There is no "one way" to get there; you cannot google a step-by-step process to getting published. There are different ways of getting your story to the public; getting an agent, self-publishing, putting it on Amazon as an ebook. There are no restrictions or qualifications--all you need is passion, imagination, and, well, a finished story.

Is it possible to learn something if you take some creative writing courses? Yes! Can majoring in English Literature help you? Totally! But it can go the opposite direction, too.

I struggled with my initial decision to take English in school. I used to like English, really I did. But as I got older--particularly when the course name changed from "ELA" to "English Lit"--my fondness of the subject diminished more and more, until it eventually fizzled out into nothing. I never enjoyed the analytical portion of English--the part where you seemingly over-analyze every little word in an old book that you couldn't ever possibly care less about. (Did you know that the last time I read something for English I enjoyed was in 10th grade? 10th grade! We read like a million other books in class after that.)

I know it's probably weird, the fact that I hate English so much (with every fiber of my being, in case you weren't already aware). I mean, I like writing. I like reading. But even though English is composed of those two things, it is completely different, at least for me. I'm reading stories that I, quite frankly, hate beyond belief, and writing analytical essays that are composed of nothing but beaucrap. Two semesters of taking English in university, and not once did I ever have any idea what I was talking about in any of my essays. I was just making it up as I went. (How I managed to pull off an 80 in that class, I'll never know.)

I've heard time and time again that taking English Literature courses are supposed to "help" my writing, but truthfully, I didn't learn anything. Not. A. Thing.

I've considered applying to another school. I've thought about searching for schools with bigger creative writing programs; that actually offer enough that I can take it for four years. I know I'd enjoy it, and it could very well lift my writing to levels I can't even imagine.

But when I really, really think about it...I'm not sure if I really want to. Not right now, anyway.

Right now, I have other plans. Plans that involve my friends; some of the people I care the most in the world for. If I were to travel across the country, to attend one of the few schools I've found that allow programs I'm genuinely interested in...I'd be leaving my friends behind. Right now, that's not what I want. I'm not ready for that.

I don't need to follow some special path to reach what I want; what I've dreamed of for so long. And that's the best part--I can reach it my own way, be it through university or something else entirely.


Until later,

- Justyne

Fears and Definitions

Hey there! How've you been? I haven't seen you in ages! Come on in, have a seat! Can I get you anything? A drink? A snack? A long overdue blog post, perhaps?

I realize that I've been MIA for the past couple of months, and I apologize for that. I've been...struggling, to say the least. I haven't forgotten about blogging; I've just been having trouble finding the right things to say. Or maybe, more like afraid...of voicing what's been on my mind lately.

Do you ever feel that way? Feel scared to tell people what your biggest dream is--especially when it's not the most "realistic" career plan around? Do you ever feel silly talking about your hopes and dreams for the future?

I've felt that way for a while now. Writing is incredibly important to me; it's my passion, the dream that I've held dear since the fourth grade. When I start to tell people about my writing, and what I want to do with it, I feel...kind of raw. Open. Exposed.

My writing is not a secret. This blog is proof of that. I don't go out of my way to keep it hidden. But as I've gotten older, I find myself more and more reluctant to tell people about my writing. It's like I'm afraid of what they'll think about my career path; like I'm afraid that they'll tear my dreams down, say that they're not "realistic enough". That I need to pick something else. Most people assume that I don't want to go back to school because I'm unsure of what job I want, and it's gotten to the point that I neglect to correct them; I just let them think what they want to think.

It's...easier that way, I guess.

I know what I want to do. I know what I want to accomplish. I've known these things since I was nine, and they've never once changed. I'm tired of feeling self-conscious about my dreams because of what others might think of them, and I'm tired of feeling worthless because I'm not living up to my so-called "potential".

And most importantly, I'm tired of feeling like I'll let everyone down if I don't make the right decision.

But see, here's the thing about that: Despite what anyone says, regardless of their profession or age or the amount of experience under their belt, nobody can tell you what the right decision is. Only you can do that. And even though it may feel like everyone around you--your family, your friends, your teachers--are pressuring you to go in another direction...

They will support you.

In the end, it doesn't matter how "normal" or "realistic" your job is. It doesn't matter whether or not you have a degree. It doesn't matter if you need one or two or three extra jobs to help pay the bills. All that matters is that you're happy, and you're doing the thing that you love.

I'm still afraid sometimes. Afraid that no one will like my work. Afraid that maybe it won't turn out like I want it to.

But I'm even more afraid that if I give in--if I return to university, work towards a degree I don't really want and get a "smart" job that I don't really care for--that I'll lose everything. My passion. My dreams. My writing.

You can't define yourself based on the amount of money you make. You can't define yourself based on the career you have, or the size of your house, or how old and run-down your computer is. I think that, if you could only define a person with one thing...it would be their passion for what they love.

I will write. Because regardless of how much money I'm making--if I'm making any at all--it's who I am. I am a writer, and I won't let myself be defined by anything else.

What defines you?


Until later,

- Justyne