I am very, very bad at concentrating. I'm not sure when I first realized this; if it was a sudden epiphany or a sort of slow realization over time. But it has become clear to me how frequent my pauses mid-action are; how often I drop my pen or let my fingers hover over the keyboard, allowing my eyes to switch to Facebook or Twitter or the mere air around my workspace, my mind thousands of miles away from the current task.
In the past, I've enjoyed calling myself a "Master of Multitasking", which in reality means that I enjoy having half a dozen Chrome tabs, a Word document, and a sketchbook open in front of me and pretending that I'm getting stuff done. I hated focusing my energy on only one task at a time, mostly because I thought that allowing my brain to jump from project to project at whiplash speed would be more productive than trying to focus on just one.
Pro tip: it's really not.
By nature, I am a very ambitious person. If I get an idea for a new project, I don't want to wait the weeks or months to finish whatever it is I'm currently working on--I want to start it now. I have so many things that I want to do, and I want to do them all today--not tomorrow, next week, or next year...today. I hate the idea of having too much free time because, hello, that's free time that I could be using to DO things! When I dream, I don't half-ass it--I go all out.
When I first decided that I wanted to be a writer at age nine, I didn't just want to be published. I wanted to be best-selling, creator of a hundred books and a franchised series, complete with movie and TV show adaptations of my stories. I always figured I'd go to college, sure, but I always thought I'd go just for fun, because I'd already be set for life with a successful career. Duh.
Turns out, though, that an abundance of ambition alone is not enough to accomplish anything. When you pair it with my utter lack of ability to concentrate, along with a bountiful supply of laziness, lack of motivation and crippling fear of the unknown, and you get a very, very bad combination.
It's scary--and often discouraging--to think about how many of my projects I could be done already if I had learned how to properly apply myself. How many new projects could I be working on? HOW PRODUCTIVE COULD I REALLY BE? We'll never know. And it sucks being constantly aware that, in some ways, I've already disappointed my 9-year-old self.
I've tried so many times to dig myself out of this hole. I wake up early, work my way through my morning routine as a Super Motivated Person, convinced that today is the day that I change everything. I have become an expert at creating a Master Plan, so clearly fool-proof that it absolutely cannot fail.
But the problem with making a Master Plan, with making such a large and daunting to-do list, is that I get overwhelmed. I get so overwhelmed, in fact, that I throw it all to the side, leaving it up to Future Justyne to sort out while I distract myself with Sims or Netflix or literally anything else.
Past Justyne is a real bitch. Present Justyne doesn't want to turn out the same way.
It's hard, trying to focus on one thing. I've never liked the idea of taking baby steps--I'm far too impatient. The only way to break this trend, though, is to do just that; to narrow my focus, shorten my to-do list, force myself to focus on one thing at a time. It's hard, but it's necessary.
I fumble. I screw up. That much is still the same--but if I don't forgive myself and move on, then who will?
Until later,
- Justyne
Showing posts with label projects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label projects. Show all posts
Friday, May 15, 2015
Friday, November 21, 2014
Me, Myself and I
When I was younger, I wanted to be busy. I wanted to be someone who had a million things going on at once, but managed to multitask it all with ease.
I got my first real taste of this hectic lifestyle during the second half of high school. I had a job that I went to about three or four times a week; I was attending Girl Guide meetings once a week; for a couple months I was had Driver's Ed, which was two or three times a week; I was volunteering at my church almost every Sunday morning; and then, of course, there was my schoolwork, which was technically top priority--but of course that didn't stop me from putting it off until the last minute.
After a few weeks of doing so much, I wanted to travel back in time and talk some sense into my elementary school-aged self. Being busy is exhausting.
The only thing worse than being busy on the outside--constantly running from school to work to commitment after commitment after commitment--is being busy on the inside. Right now, I have a dozen projects going on--but they're all more personal projects, ones that won't see the light of day until who-knows-when.
The issue with personal projects is that I'm the only one who knows that they exist. Until I'm ready to share them--or find a way to share them--they'll remain hidden from view. It's up to me to motivate myself to make time for them and finish them, because no one else is expecting me to get it done. It's just me, myself and I.
Is it appropriate to turn down plans, to say, "I'm busy" to work on something that has no deadline and no audience? I feel guilty saying no to anything when I'm just going to be holed up in my room, slaving away at yet another project, the progress of which is only affecting me. At the same time, I feel guilty after saying yes and going off to have fun, only to come home and realize that I didn't meet my daily goal.
I'm busy, constantly, but it's the kind of busy that I'm easily distracted from.
Until later,
- Justyne
I got my first real taste of this hectic lifestyle during the second half of high school. I had a job that I went to about three or four times a week; I was attending Girl Guide meetings once a week; for a couple months I was had Driver's Ed, which was two or three times a week; I was volunteering at my church almost every Sunday morning; and then, of course, there was my schoolwork, which was technically top priority--but of course that didn't stop me from putting it off until the last minute.
After a few weeks of doing so much, I wanted to travel back in time and talk some sense into my elementary school-aged self. Being busy is exhausting.
The only thing worse than being busy on the outside--constantly running from school to work to commitment after commitment after commitment--is being busy on the inside. Right now, I have a dozen projects going on--but they're all more personal projects, ones that won't see the light of day until who-knows-when.
The issue with personal projects is that I'm the only one who knows that they exist. Until I'm ready to share them--or find a way to share them--they'll remain hidden from view. It's up to me to motivate myself to make time for them and finish them, because no one else is expecting me to get it done. It's just me, myself and I.
Is it appropriate to turn down plans, to say, "I'm busy" to work on something that has no deadline and no audience? I feel guilty saying no to anything when I'm just going to be holed up in my room, slaving away at yet another project, the progress of which is only affecting me. At the same time, I feel guilty after saying yes and going off to have fun, only to come home and realize that I didn't meet my daily goal.
I'm busy, constantly, but it's the kind of busy that I'm easily distracted from.
Until later,
- Justyne
Friday, August 8, 2014
Mid-Year Resolutions
Remember back in December, when we all made those optimistic resolutions for the new year? Remember when we promised ourselves that we would work out more, or be a nicer person, or finally finish that project we started 6.5 years ago? Remember that? That probably seems like a distant memory now, huh. Now we've all returned to our old ways of marathoning Netflix shows, being cynical, and putting off that project for another 365 days.
And look--surprise, surprise, once the new year rolls around yet again, your resolutions are the exact same as the year before. And if they're different, it's only because you gave up and decided to pursue something else--oh, don't give me that look. It's true, and you know it. (If, by some miracle, it's not, then it's only because you are some mystical creature, documented in legend alongside the unicorn.)
This year, I developed a new mindset for New Year's Resolutions. Every year prior, I viewed them as a habit to start right as soon as January 1st hit--if I missed a day, then the resolution would be broken, and I would be considered a failure. I never lasted more than a day or two--I think my longest record was probably a week, and I'm still convinced that that was a fluke. This, it seems, did nothing other than make me feel bad about myself for being unable to turn my life around in a day.
So this year, I split my normal resolutions into two different categories: "Resolutions" and "Goals". My "Resolutions" would now be restricted to habits I wished to form in the coming year--for example, to stop procrastinating, to live a healthier lifestyle, to be a nicer person, etc etc. My "Goals", on the other hand, are exactly what they sound like--projects or tasks that I wanted to have done by the end of the year. For example, to complete the rough draft of a manuscript, to finish a certain amount of concept art for a graphic novel or other visual project, to start a new blog, etc etc.
The thing both my resolutions and goals have in common is that neither of them have to be finished right on January 1st. The goals, obviously, are going to be things that I can't finish in a day, which is kind of the point. I've given myself the whole year to do them. But the same goes for my resolutions--if, on January 2nd, I fail to act in accordance to a resolution, that's totally fine. It's just one day, not a complete failure. Obviously I want to start off the year strong--if my resolution is to blog every day, I don't want to wait until March to start doing it. But the idea is to keep working on it. As long as I've formed the habit by year's end, I'll consider it a success.
One day, when I was looking up different ways to stop procrastinating (which we all know was just another way for me to procrastinate, let's be honest), I came across a tip. Somebody suggested to start your day over at 2 pm--if you've spent the morning / early afternoon wasting time on Facebook or YouTube or whatever, don't let the rest of the day go to waste. Refocus your attention to the tasks that need it, and treat 2 pm like the start of a new day.
I liked that tip. I felt that it applied to me, as someone who eagerly brushes off the rest of the day as "wasted" after spending just a tad too much time on social media in the morning. So I thought, why not apply it to my New Year's Resolutions?
Recently, I dug up my resolutions and goals for 2014. Some of them I had neglected slightly--like reading every night (resolution) and completing a finished, revised and edited manuscript (goal). Some I had forgotten about entirely, like becoming more self-confident (resolution) and learning how to manage my time better. (I listed this last one as a goal, but it seems to be more of a resolution, now that I think about it.) And a couple I simply don't have any interest in pursuing any longer--like getting my license / a car. (Ha! HA HA! 2013 Me was funny.)
It's August, now. (Even though it was JUST March like two days ago I swear to God.) We have entered the second half of the year--the 2 pm of 2014. It's time to re-evaluate and re-focus...and for me, that means quite a bit of work.
What were your 2014 resolutions? Have you been triumphant (so far), or have they fallen back, forgotten and left to collect dust? And if they have...are you willing to dig them up again?
Until later,
- Justyne
And look--surprise, surprise, once the new year rolls around yet again, your resolutions are the exact same as the year before. And if they're different, it's only because you gave up and decided to pursue something else--oh, don't give me that look. It's true, and you know it. (If, by some miracle, it's not, then it's only because you are some mystical creature, documented in legend alongside the unicorn.)
This year, I developed a new mindset for New Year's Resolutions. Every year prior, I viewed them as a habit to start right as soon as January 1st hit--if I missed a day, then the resolution would be broken, and I would be considered a failure. I never lasted more than a day or two--I think my longest record was probably a week, and I'm still convinced that that was a fluke. This, it seems, did nothing other than make me feel bad about myself for being unable to turn my life around in a day.
So this year, I split my normal resolutions into two different categories: "Resolutions" and "Goals". My "Resolutions" would now be restricted to habits I wished to form in the coming year--for example, to stop procrastinating, to live a healthier lifestyle, to be a nicer person, etc etc. My "Goals", on the other hand, are exactly what they sound like--projects or tasks that I wanted to have done by the end of the year. For example, to complete the rough draft of a manuscript, to finish a certain amount of concept art for a graphic novel or other visual project, to start a new blog, etc etc.
The thing both my resolutions and goals have in common is that neither of them have to be finished right on January 1st. The goals, obviously, are going to be things that I can't finish in a day, which is kind of the point. I've given myself the whole year to do them. But the same goes for my resolutions--if, on January 2nd, I fail to act in accordance to a resolution, that's totally fine. It's just one day, not a complete failure. Obviously I want to start off the year strong--if my resolution is to blog every day, I don't want to wait until March to start doing it. But the idea is to keep working on it. As long as I've formed the habit by year's end, I'll consider it a success.
One day, when I was looking up different ways to stop procrastinating (which we all know was just another way for me to procrastinate, let's be honest), I came across a tip. Somebody suggested to start your day over at 2 pm--if you've spent the morning / early afternoon wasting time on Facebook or YouTube or whatever, don't let the rest of the day go to waste. Refocus your attention to the tasks that need it, and treat 2 pm like the start of a new day.
I liked that tip. I felt that it applied to me, as someone who eagerly brushes off the rest of the day as "wasted" after spending just a tad too much time on social media in the morning. So I thought, why not apply it to my New Year's Resolutions?
Recently, I dug up my resolutions and goals for 2014. Some of them I had neglected slightly--like reading every night (resolution) and completing a finished, revised and edited manuscript (goal). Some I had forgotten about entirely, like becoming more self-confident (resolution) and learning how to manage my time better. (I listed this last one as a goal, but it seems to be more of a resolution, now that I think about it.) And a couple I simply don't have any interest in pursuing any longer--like getting my license / a car. (Ha! HA HA! 2013 Me was funny.)
It's August, now. (Even though it was JUST March like two days ago I swear to God.) We have entered the second half of the year--the 2 pm of 2014. It's time to re-evaluate and re-focus...and for me, that means quite a bit of work.
What were your 2014 resolutions? Have you been triumphant (so far), or have they fallen back, forgotten and left to collect dust? And if they have...are you willing to dig them up again?
Until later,
- Justyne
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Perfection
Editing is a pain in the butt.
To be completely honest, I rarely make it to this point. I've been trying to finish a decent novel since the fourth grade, and every time I normally give up before I even finish the first draft. I blame it on my perfectionism, and the whole "EVERY WORD MUST BE PERFECTLY PLACED NO EXCEPTIONS" feeling. I edit as I write, then give up when it's still not coming out absolutely perfectly. One time I restarted a novel four times, and worked on it for a good two years, without even making it to the halfway point.
The biggest problem with this habit of mine is that I end up with countless different projects of varying degrees of completion, with nothing actually done. I've been writing for almost ten years, and I still have yet to actually finish a project to the point that I am satisfied with the final product.
It gets frustrating, sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I've been wasting my time, working for years with nothing solid to show for it. But the one thing that can pick me up when I feel like this is looking through my old writing.
Sure, it's bad. Terrible, even. A good half of it isn't done, and the half that is done is filled with very poor plot points and explanations and little--if any--character development. But honestly...it's cool. It's cool to look back at my thoughts from when I was sixteen, fifteen, fourteen. It's cool to see the ideas I had then; the snippets I wrote when I wasn't paying attention in math class and the piles upon piles of notebooks I filled throughout the course of my high school career.
So even though I have mountains of projects that will probably never be completed, I think the little collection that I've grown over the years proves that I do have something to show for it. And I enjoy taking the time to read and rediscover it. Until I realize just how poorly it was written and cringe in embarrassment, anyway.
But that's cool, too. Because it means that, at the very least, I've improved a little bit. Even though the words may not be perfect, they're at least a little closer.
But editing is still a pain in the butt.
Until later,
- Justyne
To be completely honest, I rarely make it to this point. I've been trying to finish a decent novel since the fourth grade, and every time I normally give up before I even finish the first draft. I blame it on my perfectionism, and the whole "EVERY WORD MUST BE PERFECTLY PLACED NO EXCEPTIONS" feeling. I edit as I write, then give up when it's still not coming out absolutely perfectly. One time I restarted a novel four times, and worked on it for a good two years, without even making it to the halfway point.
The biggest problem with this habit of mine is that I end up with countless different projects of varying degrees of completion, with nothing actually done. I've been writing for almost ten years, and I still have yet to actually finish a project to the point that I am satisfied with the final product.
It gets frustrating, sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I've been wasting my time, working for years with nothing solid to show for it. But the one thing that can pick me up when I feel like this is looking through my old writing.
Sure, it's bad. Terrible, even. A good half of it isn't done, and the half that is done is filled with very poor plot points and explanations and little--if any--character development. But honestly...it's cool. It's cool to look back at my thoughts from when I was sixteen, fifteen, fourteen. It's cool to see the ideas I had then; the snippets I wrote when I wasn't paying attention in math class and the piles upon piles of notebooks I filled throughout the course of my high school career.
So even though I have mountains of projects that will probably never be completed, I think the little collection that I've grown over the years proves that I do have something to show for it. And I enjoy taking the time to read and rediscover it. Until I realize just how poorly it was written and cringe in embarrassment, anyway.
But that's cool, too. Because it means that, at the very least, I've improved a little bit. Even though the words may not be perfect, they're at least a little closer.
But editing is still a pain in the butt.
Until later,
- Justyne
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
