My Favourite Book

"Jason was going to Brain Camp. It had another name, a real name, but that's what everyone called it."

That is the opening line to The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen, which I reviewed last year after reading it for the umpteenth time. I know the first two lines as well as I know my own name. I can't recite the whole book, as cool as that would be, but there are certain lines that pop up in my memory from time to time; the extent to which I know this book is the equivalent of the way I recite dialogue from The Lion King II as I watch it. (I can't do it with the original Lion King, strangely enough. I can only do this with a few select movies, and I couldn't tell you why that's one of them.)

I have this thing where, once I experience something that I thoroughly enjoy, I want to relive it over and over and over again. I listen to my favourite songs on repeat for days. I once watched Tangled three or four times in a row over the course of a day. (That wasn't even on purpose--I put it on while I was doing homework, and it just...stayed on. And kept distracting me. Turn off the TV, kids--yet another life lesson from Yours Truly.) In the 8th grade, after having read The Truth About Forever once and deciding to use it as the focus of my book report, I read it eight times in a row. I'm not kidding or exaggerating here--I'd read it constantly, during breaks at school and in my free time at home. Once I finished the last page, I'd just flip the book over and start from the beginning again. I did that for the entire time that I was working on my report, and when all was said and done, I had read the novel a solid eight times. (Not including the first initial read through, before being assigned the report.)

Not everyone understands why I do this. Some people get annoyed after I blare my new favourite song for the seventh day in a row (to the point where my dad came into my room and shut off my stereo himself, once). Some people consider watching a movie once a year to be sufficient, even as I proceeded to watch Frozen six times in theatres. I mean, I love watching a new movie or reading a new story as much as the next person, but everyone else seems to quickly bore of the old stuff, always ready to move on to the next, whereas I need a couple evenings to properly cry and mourn the end of one of my television shows. (I don't cry because it ended poorly or too soon, but because it ended at all. There are two different reasons to yearn for more story, and mine is the latter.)

The words that fill my favourite book are familiar--almost comforting at times. Even though I know what's going to happen, and there's no chance of being surprised, I know I'll still enjoy it. I won't get bored or restless, even as my mind begins to form the words before they appear on the page. The characters will still have life to them, even though they're just acting out the same story I've read a million times. The fact that people are satisfied with only experiencing a story once is mind-boggling to me. If you love a book, why wouldn't you want to go back in time and relive the experience? The writing will be as good as it was the first time, the characters will be just as lively, the plot just as well crafted. Why does something have to be new to be interesting?

I love my well-worn, scribbled in, spine-cracked copy. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

What about you? Do you reread your books after finishing them?

Until later,

- Justyne

Review: Off the Page by Jodi Picoult and Samantha Van Leer

WARNING!

The following is a review of the SEQUEL to Between the Lines, and as such, you probably shouldn't read it if you haven't read the first book!

Firstly: I am irrationally irritated that his novel has been continuously described and marketed as a companion to Between the Lines, because I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't think it is. This is really the second half of Delilah and Oliver's story, and you're really just missing out on a huge chunk of it if you pick up from here. This book is a continuation of its predecessor, and as such, it is a SEQUEL.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Off the Page picks up around three months after the end of Between the Lines, and Oliver and Delilah are living Happily Ever After (except not really because like high school and Mild Teen Drama and whatnot). The beginning was probably my least favourite part of the whole thing, simply because of the whole "fantasy-character-in-the-Real-Modern-World trope that the story had goin' on. And I mean, yes, it was definitely integral to the story, and if Oliver hadn't been stumbling over himself with all this new modern technology and societal standards that didn't exist in his book, then it would've been incredibly unrealistic, and I'd be complaining about it. I'm not even sure why I hate this trope so much, exactly...I just do. I tried to write a whole book revolving around it, and now I've all but rewritten the entire thing because I hated myself for doing it in the first place!

Anyhow. After they get over their Mild Teen Drama, and Oliver becomes a semi-competent teenager, things start to get interesting--the book starts to reject Oliver and Edgar's switch from the end of the first book, and starts to revert all of the changes Edgar made to the story to make it more fun for him--and now, it's trying to get Oliver back into the book.

Like I said before, I had a hard time getting into this story at first, but once the ball got rollin', I REALLY started to enjoy myself. This book played around with the magical components of the storybook a bit more, this time with a few more consequences than we saw in the first one. (Or at least, that I remember seeing..I should probably reread that book.) 

This book was the kind of book that you really can't take too seriously or think too hard about. I feel like they almost put too many magical rules in--I mean, I can get behind the whole all-magic-comes-with-a-price bit, but it was built up to be more complicated than it really needed to be, which only left me lost and confused. (Granted, I live most of my life in a constant state of lost and confused, so it's really not much different.)

THE ENDING THOUGH, OH MY GOD. Y'all KNOW how much I love a good ending, and this book gave me everything I hoped and dreamed for going into this book. 

The reason I loved Between the Lines in the first place was because it felt like I was reading a real modern day fairy tale--a fairy tale about fairy tales! What could be more perfect? And we all know that the best part about any fairy tale is the Happily Ever After, and God, do these books nail that. If I had to rate either book on its ending alone, it would get a perfect score.

And just like Between the Lines, Off the Page had some BEAUTIFUL illustrations that just tied the whole theme of the book together!

I think I initially rated this book 5 stars? Sure, let's go with that.

Until later,

- Justyne

Review: How to Fall in Love

So, I'm gonna be upfront with you right now: I very very very very very very very rarely read adult fiction. Meaning, I can count the number of adult books I've read on one hand. (Three. If you were wondering.) I mostly stick to my little YA bubble, as you can probably tell, which I think can be narrowed down to one of three reasons:

1. YA books seem to be, in general, cheaper than books found in the general fiction section. (Justyne's Wallet: 1. Bookstore: 0.)

2. I seem to have trouble finding an intriguing plot synopsis for adult fiction because every one I read just seems to have very Grown Up Characters with Grown Up Problems, and the whole thing is very Grown Up, which is something that I most definitely am not. Besides, who doesn't love Teen Drama? (YA: 10. Adult Fiction: -1.)

3. I lived a spectacularly boring and uneventful adolescence, and therefore must relive it precariously through the eyes of fictional characters who are much more rebellious than I ever dared to be. (YA: ∞. Justyne: ?)

Luckily, the last few times I have made the daring jump into Grown Up Literature, I haven't been disappointed. So I present to you: How to Fall in Love, by Cecelia Ahern.

Our main girl here is Christine, a 30-something Irish woman who spends her days finding jobs for people and her nights avoiding her douchey ex-husband, who is literally probably the Worst Person Ever. One night, she's strolling along, minding her business, when she stumbles upon Adam. Adam is a soon-to-be-35-year-old Irish man who almost jumps off a bridge. Almost--Christine manages to pull his ass off the railing, with the promise that she can convince him to love life again. Except now Adam expects her to, y'know, keep that promise, and Christine is starting to freak out because she's not even sure if she loves life right now, let alone if she's capable of showing it to somebody else.

Thing is, though, she doesn't really have a choice, because his birthday is in two weeks and if she doesn't convince him that life can still be happiness and rainbows and unicorns, he's gonna try and kill himself again, and probably succeed, unless Christine just happens to be walking by again. (Which at this point really isn't all that unlikely.) So the stakes are pretty high.

But first, let's go back to her ex-husband: WHAT A BUTT. All he did throughout the entire length of the book was tick me off, and yeah, okay, that was probably the point. But I feel ripped off in the sense that I was DESPERATELY HOPING that someone would clock him. The Adam, the detective, Chrstine...hell, throw Mr. Basil in there. Literally. Anyone. He deserved a punch in the throat, and I just about screamed when Christine urged the detective to not press charges. (Chrstine, you're great, but come on.)

I also find his utter lack of passion hard to believe, considering how much effort he was putting into hating her and making her life miserable. I don't know, but that kinda sounds like passion to me.

One thing I was super confused about was Adam's feelings towards the family business--I mean, I suppose it was sorta-kinda-almost hinted at, before he actually made the decision to take on the company, but only very briefly and very vaguely. (Unless I missed something, a big something, which is entirely likely because I'm oblivious about a lot of stuff.) I was just bothered by how sudden he changed his mind once his sister showed up. Had the hints been more prominent, his sister's arrival would have been the perfect final motivator for him to get his shit together and tackle the position head-on--as is, though, it was too sudden and out of the blue.

Christine's character, though--God, I love her. She's a meddler, intent on fixing everything (whether or not it's her actual job). Even though her actions are not always the most thought out plans, they are well intended, and she genuinely wants to help people, bless her heart. And her obsession with how-to books is probably one of my favourite quirks of any character, like, ever.

Overall, though, this book was rather well written. It was more a story about love and finding the life you think is worth living, rather than a story about outright depression, but enjoyable nontheless.

I'd give it a solid 3.9 stars.

Until later,

- Justyne

Micro Fiction Monday: Nightmare

She knew of the palace chef before she met him. To eat what he made was like a dream come true—he was famous around the world for his wonderful pies. She didn't ask a single question, didn't think to wonder what the ingredients might be, before gracefully shoving a forkful into her mouth.

It was apple.

Immediately, she was back in that cottage, being tempted by everything she had ever hoped for. She could taste the bittersweet juice, that vague twinge of pain at the back of her throat, before the poison took control and sent her tumbling to the ground. Her last thought was of him—her wish, her dream, her biggest desire.

She awoke to the soft brush of his lips against hers. He gave her his breath, renewed her life, brought her back from the dead. In the end, she had gotten all she had ever wanted. The apple, it seems, had done everything the witch said it would.

But that twinge remained every time she took a bite, and that fear of eternal sleep kept her awake for far longer than it should have. Her new life, her dream, was now a living nightmare.

Death was not the witch’s punishment—it was waking up after.

The Creative Process

Sometimes, I envy the people who want to be lawyers. Or the people who want to be doctors. Or the people who are happy studying business or economics or science or something else that can lead them to getting well respected jobs and earning crap tons of cash. I envy the people who were never told, "Oh, neat, you want to be a CEO! But what else?"

When it comes to a job like that, there is no "what else". You go to school, you make connections, you get a job. The process is simple. "Simple" doesn't necessarily mean "easy", of course--if it was easy then everyone would do it. What I mean is that, generally, there's a certain set path for achieving these things--it's not concrete, and people vary from it all the time, but nobody is ever left on the front step of their high school the day after graduation without a clue as to where to go next. 

That's how I felt for a long time--heck, I still feel that way sometimes. Like someone dropped me in the middle of a forest and told me to find my own way back--sure, I'll get there eventually. I just have no clue how, because, hello, you didn't think to give me a map, asshole.

In just about every author interview I've read / watched / listened to, there is at least--at least--one question asked about their process. "What's a typical day in your life?" "Where do you get your ideas?" "What's your process like?" I can't blame people for asking these questions--I want to know, too. Last year, when I was struggling to figure out exactly where I should be, what role I should play, how to go about this incredibly complex career path, I spent a lot of time reading author bios. I'd pick books off my shelf and read the "About the Author" blurb at the back, I'd visit official author websites and blogs, I'd scour over those very same interviews I just mentioned.

You know what I was looking for? A manual. A master plan, a grand "How To", a sign so I could tell whether my approach was right or incredibly wrong. I like to follow instructions, but that's pretty damn hard when I have no instructions to follow.

But the thing is, there really isn't one, and trying to find one will just confuse you even more. This profession has no required credentials, but for every writer who didn't go to school there's another who did and insists that it's valuable. There's no real "right" way to craft your stories; some people who preach the act of writing every day, and there are some who scoff at the idea entirely. Even publication itself isn't simple--you can get a literary agent, or represent yourself; you can publish with a professional publishing house, or do it yourself online; self publishing can be done exclusively online or through an independent printing press....IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.

I'm willing to bet that just about every author behind every book that's sitting on your shelf right now got to where they are in a drastically different way. It's super intimidating, and scary, because how the hell am I supposed to know if I'm doing it right?

But that's the beauty of it, too. It brings a certain excitement to the table, because the possibilities are literally endless. It's overhwelming, sometimes, the amount of decisions I have to make and the number of options I have on the table in front of me. But if my biggest problem is that I have too many options, I think I'm doing pretty good.

I mean, people are still expecting a "realistic" career choice out of you, so what have you really got to lose, anyhow?

Until later,

- Justyne

Most Anticipated Book Releases in 2016

HOLY CRAP GUYS I AM SO EXCITED.

I don't think I've ever had so many upcoming book releases that I've been so excited for ever in my life. 2016 is going to be an absolutely incredible reading year for me.

And so, in chronological order, we have:

The Siren by Kiera Cass

RELEASE DATE: JANUARY 26TH 2016

This may be first on the list due to its nearby release date, but this was a very last minute addition--as in, I only just discovered its existence when I was looking up the official release date for The Crown (mentioned further down the list). 

But sub-par title aside--because, believe it or not, titles are capable of being something other than "The _____"--just reading the synopsis caught my attention. It sounds super interesting, and given how much I enjoyed The Selection, I'm more than willing to give it a go!

Lady Renegades by Rachel Hawkins

RELEASE DATE: APRIL 5TH 2016

The last book left me in tears. Tears! And no one even died!! I am super duper excited to read the conclusion to this series--Hawkins hasn't disappointed me yet! (*knocks on wood*)

The Crown by Kiera Cass

RELEASE DATE: MAY 3RD 2016

Confession: I've only read The Selection. The last book in this series is coming out in May, and I am so excited, even though I have yet to catch up on what is already released. (Which is good, right? Makes the wait a little easier. Hopefully.)

I was super duper hesitant about The Selection when I first picked it up. I had heard equal good things and bad things about it, and the synopsis made it seem a lot like The Bachelor on steroids, which I am no particularly a fan of.

And I mean, yes, there were definitely some Bachelor-esque aspects about it--but overall, I was pleasantly surprised me and ended up thoroughly enjoying it! I already have the other books purchased, ready for reading from start to finish! 

Summer Days & Summer Nights: Twelve Love Stories by Stephanie Perkins (Ed.)

RELEASE DATE: JUNE 14TH 2016

Waaaaay back in 2014, twelve authors wrote twelve short holiday-themed stories, which the great Stephanie Perkins (author of Anna and the French Kiss and its companions, all of which I have read and hold dearly close to my heart) edited together in My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories.  I never wrote a review for it on this blog, as that was before my reviewing days, but rest assured that the majority of the stories included in the collection were lovely and well written and ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.

Now, Perkins has rounded up twelve new authors (okay, more like eleven, since she's the only returning author from the first collection) and is releasing a similar collection of stories, this time taking place in the summer!

Like the last collection, this one contains a mix of people I've heard of (like Cassandra Clare and Libba Bray) and are unfamiliar with (Brandy Colbert, Tim Gederle, Lev Grossman). Also like the last collection, there are only about two or three authors included that I've actually read before, which of course gives me the wonderful opportunity of reading some new (to me) writers and seeing what they've got.

My only wish for this book is that they do another absolutely beautiful hardback edition like they did in the UK. (Not that there's anything wrong with the US edition, of course, but come on.)

//INTERNAL SCREAMING

A photo posted by Justyne (@shteen101) on Oct 15, 2014 at 9:47am PDT

Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh

RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 25TH 2016

Do you remember Hyperbole and a Half? The book that had me struggling to compose myself on public transit, lest the city of Winnipeg think I'd gone mad? Well, Lord help me, there is going to be another book.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to read this book early! It was originally slated for release last October, then was pushed back to April, and now to October 2016. I knew there was another coming almost immediately after I finished Hyperbole and a Half, and the extended wait has just been KILLING ME. For a while I was concerned that it wasn't even going to happen, as the (original) release date was approaching and nothing had been revealed yet--synopsis, covert art, not even a title! But now that all three are satisfyingly available on Goodreads, I think it's safe to say that it's actually, really, finally going to happen!

A Million Worlds with You by Claudia Gray

RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 2016

Words cannot describe how excited I am for this book, and we know next to nothing about it--no final release date, no cover art, no synopsis....just a title. But good lord, that is a good title!

A Million Worlds with You will be the final instlament in Gray's Firebird trilogy, following A Thousand Pieces of You and Ten Thousand Skies Above You. I own both, even though I haven't had the chance to read the second one, and the minute I heard this title I just got absolutely OVERWHELMED with emotion. Just reading the first book gives me more than enough context to understand the meaning behind the title of the finale, not to mention give me a butt load of feels in the process.

I almost don't want to read that second book now, lest it absolutely destroy me, and make the eleven months standing between me and this last book that much harder to stand.

What books are you most excited for in 2016?

Until later,

- Justyne

Wangin' It, Take Two

So apparently, blogging in the airport means blogging on my phone for the first time. (At least for me.) So if there appears to be an abundance of typos / spelling and grammar errors, you can blame auto-correct. (No really.)

As of about 9:30 last night (again, going by Atlantic Time), I officially finished my first year of university. Exams, term papers...everything. Done. And now I find myself sitting in an airport, patiently awaiting my connecting flight to return home.

And I'll be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing.

I've always hated the looming pressure to decide what we're going to do for the rest of our lives; the expectation to have everything planned out, all the time, no exceptions. And the whole "back-up plan" thing, too, but you probably already know that.

So needless to say, I have been stressing a bit. I have no idea what I'm going to do this fall; wether I'm going to head back to school or stay home and bum around in my parents' basement while saving money to spend on who-knows-what.

And you know what? I SHOULDN'T be stressing. Nobody should be. There's nothing wrong with being unaware of the future, or with not planning out every little detail of our lives. We're not psychics, so why should we be expected to be?

My love for spontaneous-ness (shush, I can make up words if I want to make up words okay) shows through the way I write. I would rather just jump into a story than plan the whole thing out first; if I spend too much time planning it, the story bores me, and I lose the motivation to continue with it. If something changes or doesn't connect with something that happened before it, I can just go back and change it later, no big deal. That's what the editing process is for.

So if I decide that I want to change my character's name from "Amanda" to "Amelia" half way through a story, why can't I decide, "Hey, I wanna drive to Vancouver," as well?

Well, probably because I'm broke and don't know how to drive, but that's besides the point.

My point is that spontaneity (look, I used the actual word this time, happy?) is great. Making decisions on the fly and not over-thinking everything makes life more exciting. If we had everything planned out, and knew exactly what was going to happen, it'd be boring. Like when you know the ending of a book before you even read it; everything seems predictable and not nearly as exciting.

Now, let's see if I can figure out how to post this post.

Until later,

- Justyne

Why Continuing an Old Story in NaNoWriMo is a Bad Idea

Long blog title. Also, new blog design! Been meaning to update this thing since I started posting back in March. Hope you guys like it!

Anyway, back to business.

For those of you who don't know, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month; a worldwide challenge for writers to sit down and complete a 50,000 word novel--from scratch--in one month's time. It takes place yearly in November, and the same people who host it host Camp NaNoWriMo twice in the summertime. As I type this, people all over the world are typing furiously, as Camp NaNoWriMo is well into its second half, and writers young and old alike are pulling their hair out and wondering why the hell they thought this was a good idea.

I love the smell of fresh prose in the morning. Or I would if it, y'know, had a smell.

I began this month with the best of intentions. Almost a year ago, I dove into a story I referred to as The Decagon Project (which you can begin to read here). The reason I called it this is because of a dare I received from a certain someone (you know who you are); I'm supposed to write a story containing a love decagon--or a love triangle with 10 people in it, for those of you not up-to-date on your literary terms. (If that can be considered a literary term, that is.)

Anyway, after working on it for a year I hadn't made quite as much progress as I would have liked. That's why, when July rolled around, I decide to participate in Camp NaNoWriMo and use this outer motivation of writing madness to finish the story by the time the month ended.

19 days later and I've only written an additional 1,433 words.

Maybe this is just me, but the problem I encountered with continuing an old story--as opposed to starting with a fresh, sparkling new one--is that it's a lot harder to get into the spirit of NaNoWriMo, so to speak. The whole idea behind NaNoWriMo is to worry less about quality, and more about quantity; to push back your "inner editor" and just write, without over-thinking every word that appears on the page in front of you. Over the past couple of weeks, I've found that doing this is a lot harder--sometimes even impossible--when you're so used to taking your time with it, instead of rushing around and writing 14,000 words in a day. (Which I did on the last day of NaNoWriMo this past November.)

Who knows, maybe if I continued to push it, I would've broken through. Maybe if I had just tried a little harder--blocked Facebook and Tumblr, turned off my phone, and holed myself up in my room with music blaring--I would've written more words this month.

The problem with that, though, is that I would be forcing it too much.

Writing isn't about how fast you finish something, or how many words you write. It's about the story. It's about the discovery; people and places and adventures that you could only dream about. Whether you take your time and spend years on a story, or rush through it in a matter of days, the result should still be the same.

Everyone writes differently. What's most important is figuring out what works best for you.

For me, it simply depends on the story.

Until later,

- Justyne

Hello, My Name Is... (NaNo Prep, Week 2)

Getting to know your characters is an essential part of writing; but also one of the hardest.

I've been working on Reincarnation for over four years. (FOUR YEARS. That's, like, high school.) Because I've been working on it for so long, I know the characters backwards, frontwards, sideways, and upside down. To use an overused analogy, I know them like the back of my hand. (Insert obligatory "Oh hey, that's new!" joke here.) I know them better than they know themselves, and working on the story always gets me excited--like I'm meeting up with an old friend.

The thing is that the only reason I know these characters so well is because I've been working on it for so long. To be honest, I thought I'd have finished this story a long time ago--but at the same time, I'm glad I didn't, because getting to know y characters this much has proven to be an incredible improvement to the story--to me, at least. 

The problem with this, though, is that now I don't know how to learn about my characters any other way. I can't spend 4+ years on every story I write--and where NaNoWriMo is concerned, I only have 30 days. So how am I supposed to get to know my characters on the same deep, personal level? 

This is the part I'm always scared about. I'm worried that my characters are inconsistent, unrealistic, or just plain boring. I'm constantly hoping that my characters will actually seem like real, relatable people. I try filling out form after form after form, filling out character biographies that ask about everything from their favourite colour to their biggest fear--even if they themselves don't know what that is. Even after all that work, though, it never quite seems to be enough.

It turns out that the best way to get to know your characters is to discover them through the story.

Whenever I start a new story, I tend to start with a vague idea of what the character's like in my head. It's more of a feeling or aura than a description--because as it turns out, I'm much better at showing, rather than telling. As I go through the story, from the first page to the last, I get to know my character a little better. And with each chapter and each rewrite, they become deeper, vibrant, and much, much more real.

NaNoWriMo is filled with such spontaneity, such on-the-fly excitement that it provides the perfect opportunity to get to know your characters in such a fashion. I mean, you'll have to rewrite it all, anyway. Let your characters change directions as many times as your plot does. That's the only way you'll find out what truly works.

Until later,

- Justyne

Priorities

I'm pretty sure we've all heard the term, "You need to get your priorities in order!" at least once in our lives. Generally, when we're younger, this is directed more towards school and homework. You know, trying your best, handing all assignments in on time, et cetera et cetera.
These are important, of course, but as kids we don't realize this at the time. A lot of us couldn't care less about our classes and what we learn in them. The only reason we go to school every day is because we have to, not because we want to. (At least, that was the case for me.)

I think that school and education is important, really I do. But I'm a firm believer that you should only continue if it's something that you're interested in. It costs too much money and takes too much time if it's something that you aren't passionate about. If you're going to school solely to make a lot of money in the future, you may be studying the wrong thing.

Being an adult means that you can no longer rely on older people to tell you what your priorities are. It's now time for you to stop and consider what's important to you, and make the changes in your life to accommodate that. Although the idea is appealing, you can't simply give every little aspect of your life equal priority. It doesn't work that way, as I have recently learned.

What I learned about myself, over the past month, is that I am a big people-pleaser. I have tried long and hard to make everyone around me happy, with little concern over what I wanted. It's the reason why I chose to go to university and pursue a more conventional career, despite my desires to focus my attention on writing. It was also the reason why I was doubting myself, over the past year, and the decision I made to come back home and take an indefinite amount of time off from school. It took me a really long time to realize what I was doing, and even longer to figure out a way to fix it. 

I'll be honest: when I wrote this blog post (over a year ago now, how is that even possible?), I thought I had changed. I thought that, since I had finally discovered what I wanted out of life and made the decision to take time off, I would be more inspired. That everything would be easier.

It wasn't.

I realized, a little while ago, that I was only looking for approval. I was looking for the approval of everyone around me that yes, this was an okay decision to make. Yes, I am allowed to do this. Yes, this is the right choice. I didn't realize this at the time. But now, I do.

The other day, I sat down and asked myself, "What's truly important to me? What do I feel is important enough to set aside time every day for?"

I opened up my journal to a blank page, and made a list. Eventually, I came to a decision that I should have made a long time ago:
Writing is top priority.
Of course, time with family and friends is right up there, as well. Reading made the list, as did drawing and studying Japanese. And of course, Sims will always be there as one of my go-to's for a fun way to pass the time.

My point is, making this list to prioritize different aspects of my life has helped me create a mental image of who I am and what I value. Next time I'm overwhelmed and stressed and strapped for time for anything, I'll be able to look back and remember what's really important to me, and where I should be putting my time.

 Making these sort of decisions still isn't easy, no matter how sure I am that I'm doing what's right for me. And there's still a small, small part of me who worries about disappointing everyone.

But I'm doing better. I'm gaining confidence. And having the entire world disappointed in you is better than being disappointed in yourself.


Until later,
- Justyne

2016

Oh, hey there, 2015! Nice to--oh, wait, there it goes.

That's what this past year felt like. Literally. I was still having "wait, what year is it?" moments back in November, and you're telling me that I have to form the habit of writing a six instead of a five? Really?

I did manage to successfully write "2016" at the top of my list of resolutions, though, so I mean it's not all bad.

I read somewhere once that many people share a common belief that what you do on January 1st is what you'll do all year--like the first day of a calendar year is an omen of sorts for the next 365. I used to believe this, in a sense--now I think it's a load of horse shit. (Pardon my French--or don't, doesn't really affect me in the slightest.)

This past year, I embarked on a new project. It ended prematurely--I won't say it was an absolute failure, because quite frankly, a lot of good came out of it. For a long time, though, it didn't seem that way--I was too caught up with the fact that it wasn't working the way I thought it would, or that I hadn't finished it the way I intended. I had a vision for it, for what it would teach me. I expected too much, and it let me down. When it did, I fell--and I fell hard.

I started with good intentions, but somewhere down the line I started to believe that a list of 28 things would change my life--that crossing something off a glorified to-do list would define my self worth. But it wasn't about the things I said I would do; it was about this:

 I don’t want to wait for my life to magically become everything I’ve ever dreamed it could be; I want to live that life now. I want to make that life for myself now.

I said that. Me. That was the core of what I was trying to do, and I forgot. When the excitement and novelty faded, when I broke down that first wall and waited for the dust to clear...nothing had really changed. I was still stuck. I was still in a bubble. I had approached everything from the wrong angle.

I've put off this blog post for a long time and a lot of reasons. The longer I stop, the harder it gets to come back, and after every long absence I feel the need to give excuses. Excuses, and promises to never fall again.

This time, I make only one promise--to try. (And as for the excuse: I am human, dammit.)

The new year is a great chance to regroup, reprioritize, reorganize yourself into the person you want to be. For me, that means a lot of things, none of which are on that list. I have a new list, smaller in length but larger in meaning. (And also, harder to complete. But that's not a bad thing.) This time, there is no deadline, no expectation to fulfill something every day. I will trip. I will fall. I will get back up.

Today is a new year, but tomorrow is a new day. You want a do-over, a second chance, an excuse to change yourself? You get one every morning you make the decision to crawl out of bed. If you mess up, take a nap and start again.

You've got 366 tries to get it right. Make this year a good one.

Until later,

- Justyne