Hello, My Name Is... (NaNo Prep, Week 2)

Getting to know your characters is an essential part of writing; but also one of the hardest.

I've been working on Reincarnation for over four years. (FOUR YEARS. That's, like, high school.) Because I've been working on it for so long, I know the characters backwards, frontwards, sideways, and upside down. To use an overused analogy, I know them like the back of my hand. (Insert obligatory "Oh hey, that's new!" joke here.) I know them better than they know themselves, and working on the story always gets me excited--like I'm meeting up with an old friend.

The thing is that the only reason I know these characters so well is because I've been working on it for so long. To be honest, I thought I'd have finished this story a long time ago--but at the same time, I'm glad I didn't, because getting to know y characters this much has proven to be an incredible improvement to the story--to me, at least. 

The problem with this, though, is that now I don't know how to learn about my characters any other way. I can't spend 4+ years on every story I write--and where NaNoWriMo is concerned, I only have 30 days. So how am I supposed to get to know my characters on the same deep, personal level? 

This is the part I'm always scared about. I'm worried that my characters are inconsistent, unrealistic, or just plain boring. I'm constantly hoping that my characters will actually seem like real, relatable people. I try filling out form after form after form, filling out character biographies that ask about everything from their favourite colour to their biggest fear--even if they themselves don't know what that is. Even after all that work, though, it never quite seems to be enough.

It turns out that the best way to get to know your characters is to discover them through the story.

Whenever I start a new story, I tend to start with a vague idea of what the character's like in my head. It's more of a feeling or aura than a description--because as it turns out, I'm much better at showing, rather than telling. As I go through the story, from the first page to the last, I get to know my character a little better. And with each chapter and each rewrite, they become deeper, vibrant, and much, much more real.

NaNoWriMo is filled with such spontaneity, such on-the-fly excitement that it provides the perfect opportunity to get to know your characters in such a fashion. I mean, you'll have to rewrite it all, anyway. Let your characters change directions as many times as your plot does. That's the only way you'll find out what truly works.

Until later,

- Justyne

Priorities

I'm pretty sure we've all heard the term, "You need to get your priorities in order!" at least once in our lives. Generally, when we're younger, this is directed more towards school and homework. You know, trying your best, handing all assignments in on time, et cetera et cetera.
These are important, of course, but as kids we don't realize this at the time. A lot of us couldn't care less about our classes and what we learn in them. The only reason we go to school every day is because we have to, not because we want to. (At least, that was the case for me.)

I think that school and education is important, really I do. But I'm a firm believer that you should only continue if it's something that you're interested in. It costs too much money and takes too much time if it's something that you aren't passionate about. If you're going to school solely to make a lot of money in the future, you may be studying the wrong thing.

Being an adult means that you can no longer rely on older people to tell you what your priorities are. It's now time for you to stop and consider what's important to you, and make the changes in your life to accommodate that. Although the idea is appealing, you can't simply give every little aspect of your life equal priority. It doesn't work that way, as I have recently learned.

What I learned about myself, over the past month, is that I am a big people-pleaser. I have tried long and hard to make everyone around me happy, with little concern over what I wanted. It's the reason why I chose to go to university and pursue a more conventional career, despite my desires to focus my attention on writing. It was also the reason why I was doubting myself, over the past year, and the decision I made to come back home and take an indefinite amount of time off from school. It took me a really long time to realize what I was doing, and even longer to figure out a way to fix it. 

I'll be honest: when I wrote this blog post (over a year ago now, how is that even possible?), I thought I had changed. I thought that, since I had finally discovered what I wanted out of life and made the decision to take time off, I would be more inspired. That everything would be easier.

It wasn't.

I realized, a little while ago, that I was only looking for approval. I was looking for the approval of everyone around me that yes, this was an okay decision to make. Yes, I am allowed to do this. Yes, this is the right choice. I didn't realize this at the time. But now, I do.

The other day, I sat down and asked myself, "What's truly important to me? What do I feel is important enough to set aside time every day for?"

I opened up my journal to a blank page, and made a list. Eventually, I came to a decision that I should have made a long time ago:
Writing is top priority.
Of course, time with family and friends is right up there, as well. Reading made the list, as did drawing and studying Japanese. And of course, Sims will always be there as one of my go-to's for a fun way to pass the time.

My point is, making this list to prioritize different aspects of my life has helped me create a mental image of who I am and what I value. Next time I'm overwhelmed and stressed and strapped for time for anything, I'll be able to look back and remember what's really important to me, and where I should be putting my time.

 Making these sort of decisions still isn't easy, no matter how sure I am that I'm doing what's right for me. And there's still a small, small part of me who worries about disappointing everyone.

But I'm doing better. I'm gaining confidence. And having the entire world disappointed in you is better than being disappointed in yourself.


Until later,
- Justyne

2016

Oh, hey there, 2015! Nice to--oh, wait, there it goes.

That's what this past year felt like. Literally. I was still having "wait, what year is it?" moments back in November, and you're telling me that I have to form the habit of writing a six instead of a five? Really?

I did manage to successfully write "2016" at the top of my list of resolutions, though, so I mean it's not all bad.

I read somewhere once that many people share a common belief that what you do on January 1st is what you'll do all year--like the first day of a calendar year is an omen of sorts for the next 365. I used to believe this, in a sense--now I think it's a load of horse shit. (Pardon my French--or don't, doesn't really affect me in the slightest.)

This past year, I embarked on a new project. It ended prematurely--I won't say it was an absolute failure, because quite frankly, a lot of good came out of it. For a long time, though, it didn't seem that way--I was too caught up with the fact that it wasn't working the way I thought it would, or that I hadn't finished it the way I intended. I had a vision for it, for what it would teach me. I expected too much, and it let me down. When it did, I fell--and I fell hard.

I started with good intentions, but somewhere down the line I started to believe that a list of 28 things would change my life--that crossing something off a glorified to-do list would define my self worth. But it wasn't about the things I said I would do; it was about this:

 I don’t want to wait for my life to magically become everything I’ve ever dreamed it could be; I want to live that life now. I want to make that life for myself now.

I said that. Me. That was the core of what I was trying to do, and I forgot. When the excitement and novelty faded, when I broke down that first wall and waited for the dust to clear...nothing had really changed. I was still stuck. I was still in a bubble. I had approached everything from the wrong angle.

I've put off this blog post for a long time and a lot of reasons. The longer I stop, the harder it gets to come back, and after every long absence I feel the need to give excuses. Excuses, and promises to never fall again.

This time, I make only one promise--to try. (And as for the excuse: I am human, dammit.)

The new year is a great chance to regroup, reprioritize, reorganize yourself into the person you want to be. For me, that means a lot of things, none of which are on that list. I have a new list, smaller in length but larger in meaning. (And also, harder to complete. But that's not a bad thing.) This time, there is no deadline, no expectation to fulfill something every day. I will trip. I will fall. I will get back up.

Today is a new year, but tomorrow is a new day. You want a do-over, a second chance, an excuse to change yourself? You get one every morning you make the decision to crawl out of bed. If you mess up, take a nap and start again.

You've got 366 tries to get it right. Make this year a good one.

Until later,

- Justyne

NaNoWriMo Log 004

November 12th, 2015

1400 hrs

Wordcount: ??


So. Um. Hi.

I, uh.

I may have just restarted. Like, with an entirely new novel.

I'm not actually sure what just happened here. All I know is that it really, really, really isn't good.

NaNoWriMo Log 003

November 9th, 2015

1357 hrs

Wordcount: 2,889

I don't think I really understood how far behind I was until this moment. I mean, I knew I was behind, and falling more so by the day...but the par for today is 15,000 words.

Fifteen THOUSAND.

I am more than ten thousand words behind. I should have been past this point on DAY FREAKING TWO.

There is a lesson to be learned in this: do not, under ANY circumstances, get drunk the night before NaNoWriMo. Being hungover on Day 1 is the writer's equivalent of being hungover on the day of your calculus final that you never studied for.

NaNoWriMo Log 002

November 8th, 2015

1715 hrs

Wordcount: 2,079

I know nothing. Literally nothing. I didn't realize how little I knew until I wrote 1,457 words and realized that I was trying to write my main character into a career that I had yet to decide on.

I've never written my way to my own discovery before. I let a story simmer in my mind for months before I write it--in fact, I haven't written a first draft of anything outside of November for a very, very long time. Eleven months for thinking, one for writing--it seemed to work. I didn't have everything figured out, of course; there were aspects I wasn't sure of, plot points I didn't know how to connect.

Currently, my main character is running down an endless array of stairs. His mind is a jumble of beginnings, of words, of arguments, of...well, everything. His life is about to change (in a way he's not quite expecting...hehehehe), and he has no idea what's about to happen--or how he even feels about it. He doesn't know what he'll be faced with at the bottom of the stairs, he just knows he needs to get there.

Currently, that is me. I have no idea what's happening right now. 0 idea. -5 idea, even! I have never held so little understanding or knowledge of my characters ever in my life. It is strange and disorienting and, if I'm being honest, kind of stressful.

We'll see how this turns out.

NaNoWriMo Log 001

November 4th, 2015

 0741 hrs

Day 4 has begun

and I

haven't

even

started

yet.



Lord help me.