Priorities

I'm pretty sure we've all heard the term, "You need to get your priorities in order!" at least once in our lives. Generally, when we're younger, this is directed more towards school and homework. You know, trying your best, handing all assignments in on time, et cetera et cetera.
These are important, of course, but as kids we don't realize this at the time. A lot of us couldn't care less about our classes and what we learn in them. The only reason we go to school every day is because we have to, not because we want to. (At least, that was the case for me.)

I think that school and education is important, really I do. But I'm a firm believer that you should only continue if it's something that you're interested in. It costs too much money and takes too much time if it's something that you aren't passionate about. If you're going to school solely to make a lot of money in the future, you may be studying the wrong thing.

Being an adult means that you can no longer rely on older people to tell you what your priorities are. It's now time for you to stop and consider what's important to you, and make the changes in your life to accommodate that. Although the idea is appealing, you can't simply give every little aspect of your life equal priority. It doesn't work that way, as I have recently learned.

What I learned about myself, over the past month, is that I am a big people-pleaser. I have tried long and hard to make everyone around me happy, with little concern over what I wanted. It's the reason why I chose to go to university and pursue a more conventional career, despite my desires to focus my attention on writing. It was also the reason why I was doubting myself, over the past year, and the decision I made to come back home and take an indefinite amount of time off from school. It took me a really long time to realize what I was doing, and even longer to figure out a way to fix it. 

I'll be honest: when I wrote this blog post (over a year ago now, how is that even possible?), I thought I had changed. I thought that, since I had finally discovered what I wanted out of life and made the decision to take time off, I would be more inspired. That everything would be easier.

It wasn't.

I realized, a little while ago, that I was only looking for approval. I was looking for the approval of everyone around me that yes, this was an okay decision to make. Yes, I am allowed to do this. Yes, this is the right choice. I didn't realize this at the time. But now, I do.

The other day, I sat down and asked myself, "What's truly important to me? What do I feel is important enough to set aside time every day for?"

I opened up my journal to a blank page, and made a list. Eventually, I came to a decision that I should have made a long time ago:
Writing is top priority.
Of course, time with family and friends is right up there, as well. Reading made the list, as did drawing and studying Japanese. And of course, Sims will always be there as one of my go-to's for a fun way to pass the time.

My point is, making this list to prioritize different aspects of my life has helped me create a mental image of who I am and what I value. Next time I'm overwhelmed and stressed and strapped for time for anything, I'll be able to look back and remember what's really important to me, and where I should be putting my time.

 Making these sort of decisions still isn't easy, no matter how sure I am that I'm doing what's right for me. And there's still a small, small part of me who worries about disappointing everyone.

But I'm doing better. I'm gaining confidence. And having the entire world disappointed in you is better than being disappointed in yourself.


Until later,
- Justyne

Trial and Error

Fact: we, as humans, tend to romanticize things that we have never experienced.

Don't lie to me, I know you've done it, too; especially after you've just finished watching a really good movie, or reading a really good book. You see glimpses of places you've never been to, things you've never done, a way of life you've never known. You can't help but thing, "Wow, it would be so much better to live in that city / in that country / in that time period." In an instant, city dwellers are daydreaming of their dream lives in small country towns, at the same time that those small town residents are dreaming of escaping to the big city.

I feel like the act of romanticizing locations or scenarios tends to be viewed as a negative trait of literature, and sometimes for good reason. We shouldn't make light of normally serious and solemn situations because people who are actually living through these situations can start to feel like their hardships aren't important; that they should be grateful that they were given this opportunity, and that their lives are better for it. In reality, none of these things are always--or even often--true.

But romanticism can't be accomplished by the author themselves, and that's something that I think is important to realize. Every reader perceives and interprets a story differently, based on their own experiences and thoughts and personalities. That's not to say that the author's intent is meaningless; it just doesn't tell the whole story. One story can be experiencd a million different ways, simply by being read by a million different people.

I'm guilty of romanticising things, myself. I'm guilty of reading a book set in NYC and convincing myself that my life would be just so much better, if only I could live there, too. I'm guilty of reading a book set in a small, fictional beach town and convincing myself that growing up in a town like that would have been the best thing ever.

(I find it necessary to point out, now, that I grew up in a fairly small city. I have the general gist of it, and it is not, in fact, the best thing ever. Will this stop me from fantasizing? Probably not.)

My point is, wishing and dreaming and believing that these lives are in some way better than my own doesn't necessarily make it true. Romanticism isn't a bad thing, as long as we treat it right. As long as we don't use it to put a lesser value on our own, real lives.

It reminds me of that expression, about how the grass is always greener on the other side. We always want to move on, to get to the greener pastures; we're never happy with where we are. We should be allowed to dream, yes, and there's nothing wrong with having an ideal life in mind, but we can't put that ideal life up on a pedestal and ignore or rush through the one we're currently living. We can't let our lives be ruled by the thought process of, "My life will be a million times better when __." Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, instead of trying to figure out which path is the best one, we need to just live. Pick a path, and stay on it. Or don't--whichever works.

I've found, recently, that my whole life has been spent dreaming of a different one. I've been convinced that everything would be better once I did this, or finished that, or if only my life was more __. I kept waiting for the path I chose to light up beneath me, to congratulate me on finally discovering the journey that would lead me to the life of my wildest dreams!

But life isn't really like that, is it? I spent so long trying to find the perfect path, the path that would get me from Point A to Point B the fastest, that I totally forgot about the present all together. In reality, there is no "one way" or "best way" to get anywhere. There are just...more ways. If one path isn't working out, you jump the fence, double back and try the next one. And the next one, and the next one, and so on, until you find the one that works.

It's all about trial and error.

Until later,

- Justyne