2016

Oh, hey there, 2015! Nice to--oh, wait, there it goes.

That's what this past year felt like. Literally. I was still having "wait, what year is it?" moments back in November, and you're telling me that I have to form the habit of writing a six instead of a five? Really?

I did manage to successfully write "2016" at the top of my list of resolutions, though, so I mean it's not all bad.

I read somewhere once that many people share a common belief that what you do on January 1st is what you'll do all year--like the first day of a calendar year is an omen of sorts for the next 365. I used to believe this, in a sense--now I think it's a load of horse shit. (Pardon my French--or don't, doesn't really affect me in the slightest.)

This past year, I embarked on a new project. It ended prematurely--I won't say it was an absolute failure, because quite frankly, a lot of good came out of it. For a long time, though, it didn't seem that way--I was too caught up with the fact that it wasn't working the way I thought it would, or that I hadn't finished it the way I intended. I had a vision for it, for what it would teach me. I expected too much, and it let me down. When it did, I fell--and I fell hard.

I started with good intentions, but somewhere down the line I started to believe that a list of 28 things would change my life--that crossing something off a glorified to-do list would define my self worth. But it wasn't about the things I said I would do; it was about this:

 I don’t want to wait for my life to magically become everything I’ve ever dreamed it could be; I want to live that life now. I want to make that life for myself now.

I said that. Me. That was the core of what I was trying to do, and I forgot. When the excitement and novelty faded, when I broke down that first wall and waited for the dust to clear...nothing had really changed. I was still stuck. I was still in a bubble. I had approached everything from the wrong angle.

I've put off this blog post for a long time and a lot of reasons. The longer I stop, the harder it gets to come back, and after every long absence I feel the need to give excuses. Excuses, and promises to never fall again.

This time, I make only one promise--to try. (And as for the excuse: I am human, dammit.)

The new year is a great chance to regroup, reprioritize, reorganize yourself into the person you want to be. For me, that means a lot of things, none of which are on that list. I have a new list, smaller in length but larger in meaning. (And also, harder to complete. But that's not a bad thing.) This time, there is no deadline, no expectation to fulfill something every day. I will trip. I will fall. I will get back up.

Today is a new year, but tomorrow is a new day. You want a do-over, a second chance, an excuse to change yourself? You get one every morning you make the decision to crawl out of bed. If you mess up, take a nap and start again.

You've got 366 tries to get it right. Make this year a good one.

Until later,

- Justyne

2014 Look Back

Hello, friends! Haven't seen you in a while! Funny story: I may have forgotten that this blog existed.

Yeah no, not exaggerating. I fell into the habit of not blogging every week, thanks to my November buffer, and kept forgetting that I actually had to write some new content. But I'm here! I am alive! And most importantly, I am ready to kick 2015 off with regular blogging!

I have never been a big fan of New Year's Eve. Maybe it's because I've never been part of the partying crowd, or because I have a minor history with bad luck with the holiday. (Including, but not limited to, a very bad case of the flu. Or maybe it was food poisoning; we'll never know for sure. Rest assured it was unpleasant either way.)

Or maybe, perhaps, it was the look back over the past year, and the knowledge that whatever resolutions I had set for the last 365 days hadn't quite gone the way I had hoped. Many of the goals that I set and the plans that I make fall through. At the start of the new year, my resolution list looks the same as the one for the previous year, and the year before, and the year before that. It's a discouraging attitude, to say the least.

Which is why, this year, I decided to change it.

As I made my annual year of resolutions, I refused to make it the same as last year. I changed details, added specifics, and kept it short and simple. And then, instead beating myself up over what I didn't do, I made a list of all that I did do.


1. I (mostly) succeeded in writing (usual) bi-weekly blog posts. I started writing micro-fiction, I celebrated a year of blogging, and I watched as my pageview count steadily rose over the course of the year. The thing that I started on a whim is steadily becoming so much more than that.

2. I took a train! For the first time! A 36+ hour ride, all by myself--which I've wanted to do FOREVER. Not only that, but I went to TORONTO. I walked around the downtown Toronto area, all by myself, and I did not get lost!. For the first time, I saw an opportunity to do something big, something that I've always wanted to do, and I did it.

3. I WENT TO DISNEY WORLD. (For the second time.) I'll be honest: for a while, I didn't think it would happen. My friends and I have talked about doing stuff like this in the past, but it never even made it to the planning stages, let alone to us BOARDING THE PLANE and getting off in FREAKING DISNEY WORLD! We were there for nine days, and I can honestly say that those nine days were the best of the year for me.

4. I moved out of my parents house. Indefinitely. Permanently. The one thing that I anticipated and feared the most, the one thing that I wanted to do but unsure if I was ready or capable, and I did it. Probably the biggest move of my life, and I did it. 

5. I started wearing dresses. I started wearing dresses and accessorizing and trying things with my appearance that I had always wanted to do, but never had the courage and confidence to follow through with. It was scary at first...but it felt great.

6. I started working at a grocery store--as a cashier. I didn't expect to, and I certainly didn't plan to--but I did. It may not seem like a big deal...but for me, it kind of is. Me, who didn't only think that I was bad at socializing, but that I was downright incapable of doing it in a professional situation. Me, who was utterly terrified at the thought of conversing with strangers. Me, who wouldn't even look twice at a want ad for any kind of customer service position, because I thought that I wouldn't be able to do it. This job might not be my first choice, or my favourite thing to do in the world, but at least I know I can do it. I know that I'm capable; and that was a HUGE thing for me to realize.

A lot of stuff happened in 2014. Some of it was good, some of it wasn't. But everything that I accomplished, big or small, I'm proud of.

I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be big, and I am very, very, excited.

What are your biggest moments of 2014? What are you looking to accomplish in the next coming year?

Until later,

- Justyne