The Illusion of Productivity (BEDS 009)

My name is Justyne, and I am in love...with office supplies.

When I was younger, and still attended public school, I put on this huge show of not wanting summer to end. I complained about school coming up, I protested our back-to-school Winnipeg shopping trip, I made a face every time I saw any back-to-school advertisement, or a pack of pencils on sale at Wal-Mart. But all the while, I was hiding an immense secret.

I loved it. Every second of it. I loved the fresh paper, the new notebooks, the pens that were ripe and full of ink for me to scrawl onto every scrap piece of parchment I could find. I loved shopping for new clothes, even though they were all sweaters that I knew I wouldn't be able to wear for another month yet. I even loved packing up my backpack on the first day, preparing for another year of learning.

I love shopping for school and office supplies. I love buying post-it notes, even though I always lose them before I use them. I love buying pens, even though I have such a huge stash that I could probably get by without ever having to buy a new pack again. I love buying pencils, even though I only use them for exams. I love buying notebooks, even though I have an iPad and take all my notes digitally, now, because I can type three times faster than I can write.

And for the longest time, I didn't know why. Why did I love buying these things? Why, even when I was out of school, did I feel the urge to buy every agenda, every pack of highlighters and binder I saw? Why is Staples one of my favourite stores to fall prey to capitalism for?

It gave me this feeling, this air of satisfaction that I couldn't place or name for the longest time...until someone named it for me. Some random stranger on the internet, some Tumblr user for whom I will probably never learn the username of, was able to accurately describe this feeling that I've always been at a loss for.

This person, whose username I've long since forgotten, called it, "The illusion of productivity."

And they were so freaking right.

Everytime I find myself in Staples, buying school supplies, I'm imagining a better life for myself. Because if I buy these post-its, these pens, this abnormally large box of multi-coloured paper clips, surely I'll be a more productive person, right? Simply the presence of this shiny new box of supplies will do wonders for my motivation, right?

Except not really. It never quite works out that way. I'll use the pens, sure, but it won't magically make my life any better. And does anyone even really need that many paper clips?

Yet the cycle always starts anew, every time I enter the store. I am tempted by the organizers, the planners, the label makers (because I am apparently in dire need of a label maker, according to my heart). Any possible item that holds the possibility of incresed organization, you can find me drooling over.

And still, my life remains an unorganized mess. C'est la vie, I guess.


Until later,

- Justyne

My Love Affair

Fact: I have an ongoing love affair.....with notebooks. (Also fact: this title is extremely misleading.)

I've always loved notebooks. I always secretly loved the beginning of a new school year, because it was an excuse to buy and use a variety of new, fresh notebooks. I've always loved writing longhand more than typing on a computer, because I love filling up dozens and hundreds of blank pages with my handwriting. I love making notes, crossing stuff out, circling things and pointing arrows to other things. I love buying day planners, and notepads for to-do lists, and writing letters as opposed to sending an e-mail. I love the more traditional side of writing because it just feels so much more personal. A blank sheet of paper feels like a fresh start.

As much as I love notebooks, though, they're just so....inconvenient. Painfully so, actually. For several reasons:

1. HAND CRAMPS

I don't know if it's because I'm rusty (not being in school means that I don't have to take notes and write things down every day), but I feel like almost every time I go to write something down, my hand cramps up. Granted, I do try to write inhumanly fast....but still.

Speaking of...

2. HOLY CRAP WRITE FASTER

I take 5ever to write things out by hand--if I have any hope of reading it later, actually. I have had more than enough experience with university lectures to know that writing quickly means one of two things: either my writing will be chicken scratch and near impossible to read, or it will be filled with abbreviations and shortcuts that I made up on the spot and will have no hope of understanding later.

Typing is just so much faster.

3. OKAY WHERE DID THAT ONE THING GO AGAIN?

I won't lie to you: I am extremely unorganized. If I write something down and have any hope of finding it (or even remembering that it exists) later, I have to stick a post-it and put a reminder on my phone.

Let me repeat that: I have to make sure that all of my notes are also on an electronic device if I have any hope at all of ever seeing it again. Kind of defeats the purpose of writing it down, doesn't it?


But none of these stop me, of course. I'm incredibly stubborn. When I stumble upon a brand new, colourful journal in Wal-Mart, with smooth pages and a pretty pink ribbon bookmark, I don't think about how my hand will cramp or the months that will pass before I fill the pages or whether I'll ever read the stuff I write on them again. I don't think about how I'll have to type 90% of my words on the computer, anyway, or how the vast majority of the To-Do lists I scrawl inside will go uncompleted.

I just buy the damn thing. I buy it and use it, as inconvenient as it may be, because the simplest act of moving my pen across a blank sheet of paper brings me an infinite amount of joy.

Until later,

- Justyne