Friday night, I successfully finished the first draft of a certain novel I've been working on for a couple years now. (Cue excuse for not blogging on time...whoopsie.) This is the first first draft that I've finished in quite some time--the last time I finished the rough copy of a manuscript was probably the 8th grade. (Which was abandoned before the revising and editing process even truly began.)
The problem I had for the longest time (and still struggle with now, sometimes), is that I thought the revising process was something to be feared. I always shuddered when my English teacher would announce a mandatory major revision in our written work; You mean I actually have to rewrite something?! But I put so much thought into these words!
And I did--too much work, actually. I second-guessed every sentence, double checked every word as I was writing it. I formed the next sentence in my mind before even considering writing it down. I would spend so much time working on this so-called "first draft", stopping every few paragraphs to go back and change something, that I would eventually get so sick of working on it that I would consider it "bad" and move on to something else. Each new project was just as doomed as the first.
I lived at the mercy of my inner editor. I just didn't know what, exactly, that was yet.
The first year I discovered NaNoWriMo, I struggled. A lot. So much so that I didn't make it far past the 14k mark. How am I supposed to keep writing this?! I'd think. I need to go back and change everything before I can continue!
While I managed to get the hang of the whole write-first-think-later mindset the following year, I still struggled to keep the act up after November was over. It's not November anymore! I'd think. I don't have to write so recklessly! It's why my manuscript, only half finished at the end of NaNoWriMo 2012, was left collecting dust until the following year.
Writing recklessly, I realize now, is the only true way to write a first draft.
It wasn't until about January (or maybe even February, if I'm being totally honest) that I finally gathered up the nerve to tackle the still-unfinished manuscript, stuck in the eternal first-draft limbo that all too many of my projects endure. (Even after two NaNoWriMos--two!) It took a lot to gather the courage to write without looking back, long after November had come and gone; it took a lot of word sprints, a lot of forcing myself to sit at my desk, and a lot of running away from my family to get it done.
For a long time, I thought that the editing / revising process was restricted solely to grammar and sentence structure; that rewriting large chunks--and in some cases, the entire story--would make the whole writing process far too long. I was scared that if I couldn't write it well the first time, how would the second time be any different?
Now, I realize my mistakes, and I think I've finally gotten into the habit of writing NaNoWriMo-style all year round. It's still hard to squander that inner editor of mine, but at least now, it's possible; and I have a finished draft to prove it.
Fellow writers! What's your most feared part of the writing process?
Until later,
- Justyne
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