Me, Myself and I

When I was younger, I wanted to be busy. I wanted to be someone who had a million things going on at once, but managed to multitask it all with ease.

I got my first real taste of this hectic lifestyle during the second half of high school. I had a job that I went to about three or four times a week; I was attending Girl Guide meetings once a week; for a couple months I was had Driver's Ed, which was two or three times a week; I was volunteering at my church almost every Sunday morning; and then, of course, there was my schoolwork, which was technically top priority--but of course that didn't stop me from putting it off until the last minute.

After a few weeks of doing so much, I wanted to travel back in time and talk some sense into my elementary school-aged self. Being busy is exhausting.

The only thing worse than being busy on the outside--constantly running from school to work to commitment after commitment after commitment--is being busy on the inside. Right now, I have a dozen projects going on--but they're all more personal projects, ones that won't see the light of day until who-knows-when.

The issue with personal projects is that I'm the only one who knows that they exist. Until I'm ready to share them--or find a way to share them--they'll remain hidden from view. It's up to me to motivate myself to make time for them and finish them, because no one else is expecting me to get it done. It's just me, myself and I.

Is it appropriate to turn down plans, to say, "I'm busy" to work on something that has no deadline and no audience? I feel guilty saying no to anything when I'm just going to be holed up in my room, slaving away at yet another project, the progress of which is only affecting me. At the same time, I feel guilty after saying yes and going off to have fun, only to come home and realize that I didn't meet my daily goal.

I'm busy, constantly, but it's the kind of busy that I'm easily distracted from.


Until later,

- Justyne