Priorities

I'm pretty sure we've all heard the term, "You need to get your priorities in order!" at least once in our lives. Generally, when we're younger, this is directed more towards school and homework. You know, trying your best, handing all assignments in on time, et cetera et cetera.
These are important, of course, but as kids we don't realize this at the time. A lot of us couldn't care less about our classes and what we learn in them. The only reason we go to school every day is because we have to, not because we want to. (At least, that was the case for me.)

I think that school and education is important, really I do. But I'm a firm believer that you should only continue if it's something that you're interested in. It costs too much money and takes too much time if it's something that you aren't passionate about. If you're going to school solely to make a lot of money in the future, you may be studying the wrong thing.

Being an adult means that you can no longer rely on older people to tell you what your priorities are. It's now time for you to stop and consider what's important to you, and make the changes in your life to accommodate that. Although the idea is appealing, you can't simply give every little aspect of your life equal priority. It doesn't work that way, as I have recently learned.

What I learned about myself, over the past month, is that I am a big people-pleaser. I have tried long and hard to make everyone around me happy, with little concern over what I wanted. It's the reason why I chose to go to university and pursue a more conventional career, despite my desires to focus my attention on writing. It was also the reason why I was doubting myself, over the past year, and the decision I made to come back home and take an indefinite amount of time off from school. It took me a really long time to realize what I was doing, and even longer to figure out a way to fix it. 

I'll be honest: when I wrote this blog post (over a year ago now, how is that even possible?), I thought I had changed. I thought that, since I had finally discovered what I wanted out of life and made the decision to take time off, I would be more inspired. That everything would be easier.

It wasn't.

I realized, a little while ago, that I was only looking for approval. I was looking for the approval of everyone around me that yes, this was an okay decision to make. Yes, I am allowed to do this. Yes, this is the right choice. I didn't realize this at the time. But now, I do.

The other day, I sat down and asked myself, "What's truly important to me? What do I feel is important enough to set aside time every day for?"

I opened up my journal to a blank page, and made a list. Eventually, I came to a decision that I should have made a long time ago:
Writing is top priority.
Of course, time with family and friends is right up there, as well. Reading made the list, as did drawing and studying Japanese. And of course, Sims will always be there as one of my go-to's for a fun way to pass the time.

My point is, making this list to prioritize different aspects of my life has helped me create a mental image of who I am and what I value. Next time I'm overwhelmed and stressed and strapped for time for anything, I'll be able to look back and remember what's really important to me, and where I should be putting my time.

 Making these sort of decisions still isn't easy, no matter how sure I am that I'm doing what's right for me. And there's still a small, small part of me who worries about disappointing everyone.

But I'm doing better. I'm gaining confidence. And having the entire world disappointed in you is better than being disappointed in yourself.


Until later,
- Justyne